Review of No Such Thing (2002) by Archibald T — 22 Mar 2011

Beatrice is a young reporter who receives an audio recording of a news crew who went to report on an actual monster in Iceland. One of the members of the crew was Beatrice's fiancee' Jim. She immediately wants to be assigned to investigate her husbands death and to find out if a monster really does live in Iceland.

The film is set in a time, very much like today, where terrorist attacks are every where and the media is heavily drawn to it for exposure to boost their ratings. So when Beatrice's plane crashes due to a terrorist attack, The Boss, played by Helen Mirren wants to use the now crippled Beatrice, she was the only one that survived the crash, for media exposure. "Why?" Beatrice asks. "Why does the world need to know how it feels to crash into the sea?" The Boss can see that Beatrice isn't going to want to talk about it. So the story is scrapped and Beatrice is left alone in an Iceland hospital.

Dr. Anna commences forward an operation that would help Beatrice to get up and walk. It's a extremely painful procedure that she endures. Poor Beatrice. Loosing her fiancee', almost dying in a plane crash and now she has to suffer even more. Six months later, she's up and moving. With the help of Dr. Anna she seeks to find what happen to her fiancee'.

She is guided to a village where the inhabitants get her drunk so they can have her pass out and to be taken up to the monsters lair which is on a huge rock out to sea. She awakes to discover an odd looking creature guzzling alcohol and cursing like a sailor. She is frighten by him. Instead of running, he allows her to shoot him because The Monster has had it with being alive. You see, the monster has been around even before human's were even born. He's seen a many of things and hates so much that human's can die and not him.

Beatrice, in a strange way, sympathizes with him due to her innocent christian type of ways. Love thy enemy, I believe it is called. I don't know. I've never read the bible, but whatever. The monster appoints her to help him die by finding a Dr. Artaud who is the only person who can kill him. That doctor has invented a Matter Eradicator which can get rid of the monster forever.

Beatrice accepts helping him on one condition and that's to not kill anyone. She calls The Boss and before they even get to New York an entire media circus forms. Beatrice herself becomes caught into the self involvement of stardom since she found the monster. The boss see's this creature as an opportunity for ratings and once he's let loose on the streets he's immediately beaten and pissed on. Dr. Artaud was found, but kept away from the monster by the boss who really gets screwed in the end for her own greed.

All preparations get set back to Iceland with Dr. Artaud waiting for the monster to return back to his lair with Beatrice, of course, by his side. The monster's time is finally up and what more could he ask for except to see Beatrice gazing at him with love in her eyes at his final moment.

This isn't one of Hal Hartley's best. It's very ambitious even for him, I think. What you must know is that a Hal Hartley film isn't conventional. His films are very soap opera-ish with a dash of melodrama as well as intrigue. They depend a LOT from the viewer in the feeling department and I admire that even if he can be a bit self indulgent in the dialogue. Speaking of dialogue, that is another Hartley trait of his. He always has his characters project their inner feelings outward instead of having them shown inward for dramatic effect. It gives you a better understanding from where his characters are coming from.

Overall, if you're not familiar with Hartley's work I'd say check it out anyways. It's really not too different from his earlier films except their is a monster in this one and he wants to be killed!