Review of Marty (1955) by Elephant S — 13 Mar 2004

Because I have an unusually large head, I find many things unattended. Herewith, I give them the human contact they so ripely yearn for.

- I watched [b]Wonderfalls[/b] on FOX, and am charmed. The show features a disaffected 24 year old (!), likeable dialogue ("I can't tell her; she would unspool!"), and a male romantic interest who is actually attractive, unlike...

- The male lead in [b]Mean Girls[/b],the new movie written by SNL's Tina Fey. It's a teen comedy featuring Lindsay Lohan's enormous boobs. I got free tickets to it and went with a friend of mine to the advanced screening. We disaffected 24 year olds both hoped to be discovered at Paramount Pictures, but instead found ourselves surrounded by dozens of disaffected 14 year olds. Oh well, it was free and they had a bathroom.

- I liked [b]Marty[/b] better than [b]The Asphalt Jungle[/b]. Is that heresy? If you say yes, I'll crush you with my enormous head.

- I miss [b]I Have None[/b].

- Forget my last journal entry. 'Twas carp. It's floundering. It was a fluke.

- I've decided that the top three memorable moments in [b]Saved By the Bell[/b] were:

[b]1.) Jesse gets addicted to caffeine pills.[/b] In a very special episode (before that phraseology became trendy in a Party-of-Five-Sarah-loses-her-virginity-to-Bailey sort of way), Jesse descends into the inner madness of adolescent pressure by taking pills to help her study for a test AND perform for a record label. It's a wonder she didn't kill herself. With nuance becoming an actress at the height of her powers, Elizabeth Berkley exclaims, "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so... so... scared!!!" We know you were Liz, and we believed.

[b]2.)[/b] [b]Zach scores a 1502 on his SATs.[/b] Not really a quality episode so much as a quality moment. Despite not having studied a day in his life, Zach scores a whopping 1502 on the granddaddy of exams, while plucky Jesse scores dismally. It's okay, because just as we are encouraged to suspend disbelief so that a 1502 can exist in the world of Bayside, we are encouraged by the end of the episode to suspend disbelief so that Jesse will pass the true grandmum of exams: life.

[b]3.)[/b] [b]The gang writes and sings the new school song.[/b] With Jesse and Kelly in a different set of classes, and Zach scamming on Tori, the gang sings the hideously catchy school song.

[center][i]It seems like only yesterday we started,[/i][/center].

[center][i]But soon we'll put away our books and pens.[/i][/center].

[center][i]We'll go on with our lives once we have parted,[/center].

[center]But how can we say farewell to our friends?[/center].

[/i].

[center][i]The double dates, the parties, and the dances,[/i][/center].

[center][i]Crammin' for a midterm until three.[/center].

[center]The football games, the Max, and the romances,[/center].

[center]Soon Bayside will be just a memory.[/center].

[/i].

[center][i]Our four years here have all become unraveled,[/i][/center].

[center][i]And so our high school story finally ends.[/center].

[center]But years from now, no matter where we've traveled,[/center].

[center]We'll all look back and think about our friends.[/center].

[center]We'll all look back and think about our friends.[/i][/center].