Review of Don't Open Till Christmas (1984) by Adam R — 12 Jan 2011

Though the film is fragmented as all hell -- perhaps due to its long, arduous, bizarrely rigorous pre-production history -- I actually enjoy "Don't Open Till Christmas." The characters are all credibly sleazy (rather than the clean-cut, witless, semi-virginal teens we're usually stuck with in slasher flicks), and, unlike "Halloween," plays with common attitudes toward Christmas rather than reinforces them.

You'll find little yuletide joy here: A psychotic murderer is stalking the streets of London, looking for Santas to prey on. Fortunately, every Englishman in a Santa suit is a pervert, a drunk, or both, so their usual haunts are easy to find. Understandably, the killing of Jolly Ol' St. Nick in his many forms probably isn't good PR for London, so Inspector Ian Harris (Edmund Purdom, who also directed -- some of the movie) is on the case, with unreasonable, unseen higher-ups demanding progress at every turn.

No movie has made Christmas more terrifying -- or made you more glad for a quiet holiday at home -- than "Don't Open Till Christmas," except perhaps for "Bad Santa," or Dan Aykroyd's brief appearance as everyone's favorite gift-giving benevolent burglar in "Trading Places.".