Review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017) by Jeff B — 29 May 2018

A threequel arriving 15 years late to the party, the sometimes diverting xXx: The Return of Xander Cage capitalizes on the career resurgence of Vin Diesel, making good on its title but not much else. In this PG-13-rated spy actioner, Xander Cage (Diesel) gets left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson).

After some promising turns in weightier fare (Saving Private Ryan, Boiler Room) Vin Diesel became a star and then rejuvenated his stardom by sticking to what he knows best, namely the Riddick trilogy and The Fast & the Furious franchise...so it makes perfect sense that he would mine some other dated properties that likewise didn't tank. xXx wasn't great in 2002 and it certainly isn't great now. In fact, Diesel even gave up on this series once himself by sitting out Part Two (Ice Cube stepped up in his stead). Part Three exists simply because it's a good fit for its charismatic star, who is still cresting in the white-hot wake of Fate of the Furious and all that preceded it. Hell, if Babylon AD hadn't babbled off at the box office, we might very well be sitting through Babylon HD instead. But here we are, revisiting an extreme sports action-soaked two-fer that should've been a one-fer. Indeed, the first xXx is a rote rock 'em sock 'em love child that resulted from merging three not-entirely-strange bedfellows: action star Diesel, spy flicks, and the X-Games. Featuring a key moment in which Xander Cage snowboards out of a helicopter, it is overblown and brash but certainly fits the bill for moviegoers who would get behind a separate 007 series starring just James Bond's stunt double. One scene toward the end of the flick perfectly sums up the xXx experience: Diesel, racing a tricked-up Pontiac GTO along a river that's host to a fast-moving submarine armed with a biochemical agent, remarks to the impossibly beautiful Asia Argento, "I have to get on that submarine." The audience can only reply, "Of course you do, Vin.".

With director D.J. Caruso (Disturbia) taking over for Rob Cohen (Stealth), The Return of Xander Cage manages to give audiences a reheated and similar tasting second helping of these same preposterous antics. He has a new love interest (Deepika Padukone), but romance has never been Diesel's strong suit. Flexing and blowing stuff up while riding a dirt bike are more in his wheelhouse and there's plenty of that. The best moment arrives when Cage (and Diesel by proxy) give an appropriate nod to the past, namely 2005's State of the Union. Hey, the movie knows exactly what it is. If only it knew when to quit.

To Sum It Up: Sporting Not-So-Goods.