Review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017) by Pipec — 22 Jan 2017

Someone Has to Kick This Filmic Mess' Ass.

In a world lacking of glorious heroes, who better than Neymar to prevent the end of the human race; just with the laughable and banal opening, the film gives a minimum sign of the scabrous experience in which you'll be immersed, no, in this case, the appropriate word is not 'immerse', the correct word would be endure.In front of heterogeneous movie proposals which inaugurate this year, "xXx" title itself does not portend no good, and however, for daredevils or unlikely fans of the "prodigious" saga who decide to buy a ticket will have to put up with a permanent vulnerability towards your eyes, ears, reality perceptions, aesthetic hyperesthesia, authentic credibility and decency conception.

Anyone who considers that "Fast & Furious" saga is quite sophisticated or "James Bond" franchise pretty misogynist; Hollywood, the place in where anything is contingent, has made a catalog of frivolous films, in which the primary thing is its action scenes of dubious likelihood, that ones pile up on the screen without mercy along by thunderous musical accompaniments.

One of the exiguous achievements that the film runs with determination is that it is not imperative to see the hollow prequels since they add new characters and also offer one succinct explanation of "Triple X" organization, you must consume it with objective eyes. Xander Cage is now 49 years old, the last time that they mention him was as deceased person, however, this one was simply a pretext for its sequel "XXX: State of the Union" (starring by Ice Cube) in order to leave the path free, clearly, it was another legitimate worthless film, both for critics as audience. Now, Cage takes refuge in the Dominican Republic, a country in which he scales a huge power tower, descends a whole jungle in ski and slides along a road in skate, all this for his beloved new community can see a football game, is there something more ineffective and ridiculous? Although the franchise is characterized by delivering vast portions of absurd e implausible components such as its impossible scenes taking fiction to unbearable limits, we do not require more of this, nobody asked for it and perhaps nobody will ever seek it.

The Pandora's box, a mechanism operating all satellites orbiting Earth planet, has fallen into wrong hands, for avoiding this, Security National Agency resorts again to services of the agent and extreme sports lover for rescuing it and thus saving to the world of a threat, which does not look like something lethal due to its constant change of position.Cage will set up a team of maladjusted people to achieve his aim: Tennyson (Rory McCann) a Daredevil in the real life, Nicks (Kris Wu) a well versed machinist, Talon (Tony Jaa) a DJ and the best inside this CGI hell, Adele Wolff (Ruby Rose) an attractive and fearless sniper.

It expects to be promoted in arduous and demanding celluloid world through celebrities of different subjects: Neymar, he is more than detestable in his role as superman, seriously, if he is a footballer, is a footballer; Ariadna Gutierrez, Colombian miss universe (at least by some seconds), looks like if she was in a video clip, If she is a professional model, is simply a model; Nicki Jam, the Colombian singer, is surplus and is feels superfluous in the story, however, among all that core social, he does well, if he is a singer, is a singer.None of them have acting skills and although the effort of adding cultural diversity to the film has a good heart, it reduces what little has been achieved.

Becoming a model to follow for the sexist and English-speaking Hollywood of the 21st century, in the film are only female roles dazzle on screen, being Rose and Bollywood's rising star Deepika Padukone who interpret action sequences and characters as theatrical as memorable, they and irregular Nina Dobrev are those who rescued a portion of the length feature, the rest is missing time.

Execrable antagonists, scenes with CGI so palpable that we could even perceive cables and green screens behind Vin Diesel, a script with insignificant punch-lines, a development jam-packed with tedium and boredom and worst of all, a direction palliating negatively the miserable movie. If you want to make an action motion picture with analogous and inexorable dialogs, an interesting story, with real suspense and solid thematic must avoid a simple name at all costs: D. J. Caruso.

Boring, unstable, fatiguing, unsustainable and unbearable, "xXx" is the first big mess in 2017, nobody asked for it but unceasingly continues arriving. There is no one best way to describe celluloid's substance than Samuel L. Jackson does it: kick some ass, get the girl and try to look dope while you doing it; sadly, leaving "dope" to miles away, it gets these three requirements explicitly because are stipulated in the script. Maybe, the next title should have a light and required change: from "Reactivated" to "Deactivated", please.