Review of Turbo Kid (2015) by Meritcoba — 12 Oct 2015

When the stump off his arm was spraying blood the way a geyser releases heated water without him showing anything for it but a mere grimace and grunt along the lines, I am going to strangle you with my both hands, it was obvious that this movie had reached its high-water mark. And this already after twenty minutes.

I am not talking about the male lead, a boy who could have walked right out any eighties flick, or the female lead, who has an uncanny resemblance to a much younger Jodie Foster, but about a Indiana Jones look alike with the attitude of a Crocodile Dundee thrown in. Although perhaps he might resemble Bruce Willis from Die Hard more. This was that other guy. Not quite the lead but that other guy. You know, the one that grunts them one-liners. Preferably with a cigar or a stick of dynamite in his mouth , but then we all know that smoking anything isn't allowed anymore cause it is unhealthy, even if you do not light them. And certainly not in teen features!

But hold on...Something distracted me while I was watching the movie. Like someone waving a hand just on the periphery of your vision. I was trying to figure out who the target audience was supposed to be. I couldn't quite grasp it. Maybe because I am too silly to think that a movie with teens as protagonists cannot be mixed with a horror movie along the lines of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2?

Who was I kidding? With a post-Saw generation almost anything has become mainstream, be your own judge by deciding if that is good or bad.

So confused by this movie I decided to look up the genre. According to the wikipedia this is an action horror comedy film. And it was supposed to be retro as well. So here is a new genre for you: a retro eighties action horror comedy film. Oh yeah.

Retro? Eighties? What was this movie then mimicking? It couldn't be the Breakfast Club or Back to the Future, nor Blade Runner or War Games.The one thing that sprang to mind was: Mad Max: The Road warrior. I just saw Mad Max: Fury Road and mentally traced the series back to its beginnings, but I never could quite get the connect with the fountains of blood erupting from hacked off body parts. But then slasher movies aren't really my thing: too squeamish.

So I went from:; it's an retro eighties kids movie; no, it's an retro eighties mad max movie with a kid as the lead, to; it's a retro eighties horror mad max movie with a kid as the lead. And after twenty minutes when the full force of flying crap slammed me in the face it dawned on me: this one smells like... a low budget movie that is trying really really hard to get a cult status because that is the only thing that would safe if from being buried in in the waste bin of movie history forever.. Which is the only funny thing about it.

No wait. There is something else. The most absurd thing about this movie is actually that somebody dares to give it a score that puts it it he same range as any of the aforementioned eighties movies.

Now that sir, that... is just plain silly.