Review of Troy (2004) by Thegodfatherson — 12 Jun 2013

A lot of people are foggy enough about the battle of Troy’s origins to confuse the story laid out in the “Iliad” with history. I’m sure you’ll hear more than one movie-goer comment on the film’s historical accuracy.

Last night I heard at least two. But, like Hidalgo, The Passion, or maybe more like Harry Potter, Troy is another ambitious adaptation that only manages as solid entertainment. The idea of taking Homer’s battle poem and turning it into a movie is a good one, since it instantly leans towards the epic and contains plenty of notable and screen worthy characters.

It’s also a story strongly ingrained in our cultural consciousness, after centuries of required classroom reading. It has already received some comparison to Gladiator, but where that movie was a surely modern fighting flick, the story of Troy lends itself much more to Hollywood’s golden age, the sort of thing that would have attracted a younger Chuck Heston.

As Achilles, Brad Pitt is either naked or fighting. There’s no in between. Achilles is a guy who only wears clothes when he’s killing. I'm not sure what that says about his character. But don’t worry guys, it isn’t real Pitt nudity, just side-nudity.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much side-nudity in any film. I now know every intimate inch of Brad Pitt’s naked profile. Troy lacks the courage to show full frontal or even a little bit of ass crack.

Odd for any other R-rated movie, but not really for this one which only barelyshows enough carnage to warrant a rated R. It could easily have slipped by as PG-13 and one has to wonder why they bothered at all with an R when the removal of even a thimble-full of blood could have garnered them something lesser.

If you’re going to go R, make it worthwhile. Don’t be afraid of women’s breasts. Don’t run away from realistic battle sequences. Hey, throw in a couple of decapitations! This is war, not West Side Story.

What the film’s massive battle sequences sometimes lack in ugly realism is made only worse by Director Wolfgang Petersen’s strange propensity to focus in on one on one battles to the exclusion of all else.

A hundred-thousand men clash on the field of battle, yet everything falls silent as soldiers form a big school-yard huddle whenever Hector picks up his sword. Should he dispatch a particularly difficult foe, he mutters “that’s enough” and all one-hundred thousand men just seem to wander home.

Maybe I’ve been permanently spoiled by Peter Jackson’s groundbreaking siege in The Two Towers, but Troy’s bigger and supposedly badder battles just can’t compare. Troy fails to garner any excitement from its massive scale, but Petersen does have an amazing gift for filming one on one action.

The final big battle between Achilles and Hector is engrossing and amazing. That’s due in no small part to both Pitt and Bana’s impressive performances, in which both brilliantly capture the physicality of their respective characters.

Still, it is impossible to walk away from Troy completely unsatisfied. Despite some major directing flaws, Petersen does deliver an enjoyably huge (if a little too long) period adventure. Women will no doubt swoon at the legions of male characters clad in thigh revealing leather costumes.

Men will go insane over Achilles kicking ass against anything and everything that moves. Troy is big, grandiose, and entertaining. With such a marvelous cast, I wish Petersen had delivered a masterpiece, but I’ll settle for some solid sandal-wearing fun.