Review of Tokyo Godfathers (2003) by Travis H — 07 Jun 2004

Rating stuff is a great way to pass short amounts of time, like 37 second seconds, for instance, and it's a great excuse to fondle small numbers.

Wha? You can only rate 5 things? Blast! *mutters* You escaped me this time, [b]Dirty Work[/b], this time.

I haven't handed out a splat yet, it feels awkward, like maybe if I don't soon, it will have been too long and it will be noticable. There's a load of shit out there that would probably rate as a splat, and some movies too, but it never occurs to me to rate them. One thing stops me. What mass mayhem would ensue if here... a splat? Stock markets might shift by whole fractions of a point at a time, buildings might disassemble spontaniously because they don't know any better, or maybe just to spite their namesake, and other. stuff. But you never know, maybe it will all be ok, and it's just a... splat, after all. I doubt it. The word [i]splat[/i] disgusts me. I loathe it. I want to rape it, wait for it to have children, and then kill it with its children. A [i]splat[/i] to splat.

On an unrelated note, I had my nostrils equipped with automatic shutters, back in the 80's, to prevent potentially offensive and noxious gases from sneaking in after sundown and throwing their nasty little cocktail parties in my nasal passages. I sat up in bed one morning, bewildered, as 15 gallons of vomit shot out of my left nostril like a firehose trying to put out some gigantic fire in my crotch, which incidentally was on fire. That was the last straw.