Review of The Witch (2016) by Superstone — 21 Feb 2016

I was extremely let down by this movie. All the critic reviews claimed that it was terrifying and thought-provoking, but it is not. There are some beautiful scenes and some creepy images, but that seems to be all there is.

The characters in the movie don't react to anything, you never get the sense that the father is someone who would have been banished from a New England colony and they never go into why they are out there.

The main characters are all well-acted, but since none of them have an arch, it doesn't matter. There's no story being driven forward by the characters, it's just things happening and aren't they scary? No.

Not really. Even the one feeble jump scare that seemed to get everyone in the theater was ultimately made pointless by the reveal at the end. I was trying to think of why it was just not very satisfying and maybe I wasn't getting it (I'm sure "real" critics would argue that very idea), but after we left the theater, a girl walking nearby who had just seen it just said "that was the worst movie I've ever seen", and I started laughing because, yeah, I wanted to like it like the professional critics seem to, but I don't.

It's not entertaining, it's not interesting, it's well-made like a stock photo is well-made. Parts seem to point to a whole, but there's no more to be had.