Review of The Wicker Man (1973) by Steven H — 17 Jul 2011

Wow. Nothing is scarier than.................. 70's folk music. I'm not kidding. It's just so happy! And this movie is FULL of it. Just over the opening credits alone, we get this dude singing about.

.....corn. He keeps popping up too throughout the beginning of the film. It's like....plot development...character development....."oooooohhhhh corn". This movie actually comes across like a musical.

Whenever the story lags a little bit, it's like "Oh hell, lets just sing another song." The story in question is about an uptight policeman who sails to an island to investigate the case of a missing girl.

The people on the island of SummerIsle are pretty much everything that this guy detests (namely, dirty hippies.......who sing alot. And dance). But something is a little off about these hippies. They are WAAAAY too happy and seem to be hiding something (secretive hippies).

Ok, I know I'm coming down a little hard on this and while the movie does reeeek of 1973, it still manages to slowly creep you out as it progresses. It also doesn't hurt that Britt Ekland sings and dances and writhes and smacks the walls of her room.

.....totally butt-ass naked. But the money scene is the end. The first showing of the actual Wicker Man. Aaaaaand it's terrifying! If a secret society of crazy hippies tied me up and drug me to this man-made wicker nightmare, I'd die of fright.

And probably from the smell of patchouli too (I can't stand that stuff). Honestly, that last scene is the selling point of the whole movie. It won't hit you until after the movie's over just HOW scary that scene truely is.

Christopher Lee, the man of the glorious baritone voice, is only in the movie for a few scenes, but he makes each and every one of them count. I've never seen an actor dancing in a wig and dress who looked so INTENT on what they were doing.

The remake with Nic Cage takes the story far too seriously and has none of the camp that the origional has. So, go with the '73 version. You get folk music, pagan what-not-ery, Christopher Lee pontificating.

..........and (whispers) Britt Ekland. Naked. And dancing. But more importantly, naked.