Review of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) by Philip Z — 21 Oct 2013

The victims in this movie must either be a) completely brainless, or b) total masochists. I have no idea what it was like in the original, I've never seen it, but I'll be damned if it was anything this dumb.

Most of time, I was screaming at the screen because of the numerous times these idiotic characters would pass up an opportunity to snag Leatherface's prized chainsaw away. I counted about five or six different opportunities provided during the third act alone where Jessica Biel could have just ended the movie by grabbing the saw.

Hell, Leatherface is practically offering it to them on a platter and they still refuse. Most of the deaths could have been prevented if these characters would just man up and act on instinct. How stupid are these kids? And, when you're complaining about how dumb characters behave in a horror movie, you know it isn't working.

Most of the time, in good horror movies anyway, brainless victims just add to the fun. Not here. Okay, I'm getting off of that soapbox in order to address the other aspects of the film. Another major problem I had with the movie was its slick production values.

Again, I'm sure that the Tobe Hooper original is the superior flick, because the glossy photography and Calvin Klein models that populate the cast did no favors to the story. From what little I've seen of the original, it was gritty and grainy and washed out.

I think that aesthetic works well for this subject matter. It adds to the experience. Here, the aesthetic is at odds with the tale. In short, I was bored silly by this version.