Review of The Legend of Tarzan (2016) by Grant S — 21 Apr 2017

Belgian Congo, late-1800s. The Belgian government is hoping to find diamonds in the Congo in order to shore up its shaky national economy. Their plan hits a roadblock when a powerful local tribe rises up against them. However, the chief says he will lead them to the diamonds if they deliver to him one man - Tarzan. Meanwhile, John Clayton, the Fifth Earl of Greystoke, is living in England with his wife, Jane. He was born and raised in the Congo where he was known as...Tarzan. Now the Belgian government requests that he return to the Congo...

Incredibly bad. Weak, clumsy plot that is really just an excuse for mindless action scenes. Dialogue is particularly nauseating, trite and hokey. Characters are starkly one-dimensional - dumb, fascist colonial, bullying white people vs brave, defending-their-land natives. Clearly one of the target audiences was Social Justice Warriors...

So-so performances - Samuel L Jackson is particularly hammy and irritating.

Other than gouging money out of dumb SJWs (a business practice I support, by the way, so maybe the movie does have one positive quality), the aim seems to be to pull in female audiences through the majority of the movie consisting of Alexander Skarsgard running around without his shirt on. Similarly, the presence of Margot Robbie for male audiences (hell, that's why I watched it!). However, neither Margot Robbie nor Alexander Skarsgard (whichever is your preference) can save this piece of excrement.