Review of The Legend of Tarzan (2016) by Theshrike222 — 04 Apr 2017

I think one of the biggest problems with Tarzan is it just doesn't work if you were born anytime after imperial colonization of Africa became a fad in the 1800s. You can turn your brain off for a while and watch Africans (unfortunately led by a white man) successfully repel colonists, diamond miners, ivory hunters and slave owners. The problem is, every time the action slows down below fifty in the film you start to think about how things turned out for the Congo and it gives the story a cruel sadness. I give the film credit for showing native tribes, as unique, distinct groups of people, mostly fighting for themselves. Demerits for the binary, all good or all bad portrayal of many characters. This is a very old, overused trope. Also for animals that behave nothing like animals. Nothing. At. All. Cuddling with grown lions. A gorilla behaving like a betrayed little brother, a human not getting ripped apart like a rag doll fighting a silverback gorilla, lions herding zebras, and crocodiles responding to calls. (Can crocodiles even venture out into a harbor full of salt water?) Anthropomorphic animals work best in animated or CG movies. After about the third animal scene, I started to cringe every time a new one started. When the humans outrun a hippo made me laugh out loud. If you know anything about hippos, you know the only way a human can outrun one is if it is a wind-up toy. When the big finale started with the final attack of nature on the colonizers, all I could think was, "wow, where's Simba and Mustafa after that wildebeest stampede?".

I would have rated this movie lower, but I love Samuel Jackson (woefully underused and in a dumb role) and Margot Robbie (similar problem).