Review of The Conqueror (1956) by William T — 04 Jul 2008

John Wayne as Ghengis Khan.

Need I say more?

Yeah, actually I DO have a need.

John Wayne, cinematic icon, inveterate right winger, director of one of the first Hollywood flicks about Vietnam (the laughable pro-war The Green Berets), would seem to be a natural fit for the ruthless Mongol warlord. Temujin (his given name, before he earned the title of Ghengis Khan) endorses torture for the purposes of gathering intelligence, rape (both in the archaic sense and the contemporary sense), and total scorched earth policy decimation of his foes. A real "it became necessary to destroy the village in order to save it" kinda guy.

This movie plays like a Brechtian exercise in theatrical sadomasochism, featuring a Khan who speaks in Wayne's characteristic drawl (made even more absurd by the script's fakey, fortune cookie wisdom meets Shakespeare knockoff dialog) spiked with a production number that would be right at home in a Showgirls sequel.

According to IMDB, the film was shot near a nuclear weapons test sight. Many of the people involved with the production later developed various forms of cancer, including the Duke, and it seems the rads were to blame.

The film is undeniably entertaining. Play the In Bed Game with the dialog. Every time a character says something like, "My mother, you didn't sire such a one as I to un-man at the site of the jackal," follow that up with, "in bed." Minutes of hilarity ensue.

I like this movie, but was it worth so many people contracting the Big C to make?

How many licks does it take?

The World Well Never Know . . .