Review of Suspiria (1977) by Chriss M — 08 Apr 2010

Personally, I found Suspiria hilarious. Especially the first death. That of the blonde girl whose face is repeatedly slammed against the window, squashing her face, drool 'n all, up against it. Very funny stuff. But that's where the problem lies...

Suspiria isn't a comedy, it's a horror. The movie isn't at all scary, even with that constant theme playing over and over; or the grotesquely bad lighting; or the woful acting; or the dire script; or the budget set. Yes, all the staples of the B movie 70s horror are there! And they are what make this watchable. Let's examine...

The soundtrack in this film really made me appreciate modern movies and their soundtracks, and not just because of the poor quality, but because of the timing. You see, in Suspiria, the music is SO badly timed that it's almost completely out of place. Suddenly, the theme will stop before the scene reaches its climax or play long, long after the climax has faded. It did make me think, though, about how dependent horrors/thrillers are on their soundtrack for suspense. Maybe it even ruins the suspense sometimes, as we are all well aware of when a scare is coming. It might be time for modern day horror makers to really consider that.

The lighting consists primarily of red, green and blue. Haha, thinking back, it's actually quite funny. Whenever there's some sort of horror taking place, you're treated to either a very bright red, blue or green. That's pretty much the lighting, regardless of where the scene is set.

Now, the acting! The acting is just so bad, one would be forgiven for thinking it deliberate, but this strikes me of a film that isn't self-aware. The death scenes are a particularly good example of this, always hugely overdramatic and terribly timed. They're just too funny to be anything other than hysterical. Jessica Harper may not have a death scene, but, she REFUSES to be outshone. There's one particular scene where Eva's character is dancing about in some sort of class, when she suddenly takes ill. All she has to do is fall, but I swear to God, it's almost like a deliberate attempt at comedy, as she twirls; hand to head, and hits the ground.

The script and plot are just laughably stupid. One thing I'd like to note though: In modern day thriller/horrors, the character tends to always run away researching the demon/monster/witch/whatever that's terrifying her, I was expecting to avoid that here, being this is a '70s movie. Unfortunately, even here, that is present! She runs off to a psychologist for advice on these witches. Just a personal gripe of mine. Anyway, back to the plot. It's just absurd. But hey, it set up a bunch of hot girls to be slaughtered and it's the '70s, what else was needed?

So, woeful in all respects. Although, I forgot to mention that Susanna Javicoli is a decent actress, even here. Other than that little hiccup though, this film is all round terrible. One review on here says this is a surrealist film; I'd suggest they check the definition of surreal, because not all inane nonsense can simply be justified under the label of surreal. So, misogynistic and stupid, and almost a must see for comedy effect. I can't wait to see Argento's other work. The reason for that is because everything I've mentioned in this review creates some sort of unintentional masterpiece. A masterpiece of B movies, that is!