Review of Star Trek (2009) by Markd — 21 Nov 2009

Unwatchable. J.J. Abrams hates Star Trek and it shows. Full of Bugs Bunny/Loony Toons gags and action scenes without the humour or entertainment. Kirk hanging on a precipice could be a drinking game in this movie it happens so many times.

There is no story to speak of. There is, however, 122 minutes of the classic Star Trek characters squabbling with each other, tiresome fist fights and Uhura being up skirted by the camera as a nonsensical "plot" unfolds.

Dialogue is laughably bad. Kirk's mother being rushed to a shuttle craft while in labour is right out of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. The visual effects are frenetic and cluttered. Many interiors of the ships are wildly out of scale and were filmed in what are obviously existing factories and other industrial locations.

There were better engineering room sets in Star Trek The Motion Picture from 1979! In this movie you will be blinded by the ceaseless lens flares and be nauseated by the constantly spinning, twirling, twisting camera.

McCoy is performed as a mocking impersonation of DeForest Kelly. Abrams has pulled down his pants and mooned movie goers. An appalling mess from start to finish.