Review of Star Trek (2009) by Steve G — 07 Jan 2014

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? I have never been more insulted in my life. I nearly threw up to the side.

Why don't they call it 'Star Trek: 90210'?

I jotted down these thoughts as I was watching the film:

So im told this is the new 2001. right.

The 'would-be obligatory edgy, thrill-seekin hot-shot' baby kirk drives a 300 year old car to beastie boys...suicidal thoughts begin.

More hollywood emotionalism. Vulcan bullying.

The whole story tries to explore the emotional antinomy.

Of spock. so sadly predictable.

A torn sad minority emo kid. how novel.

Not to mention that it completely mangles the star trek canon. (cf. cpt. pike menagerie).

Chris pine is a good CK model perhaps, but unconvincing as a starfleet captain, like shatner (a far superior, classically trained actor) was.

Not to be too much of a trekker, but kirk had brown eyes. this guys has blue. I notice these things.

And am not impressed.

Porn music & night clubs with a hot hoochie uhura with clubbin kirk tryin to hit it up. for crying out loud already!

This is a communications officer in starfleet. not kim kardashian.

The first 30 minutes: boob grab, calling spock a bastard, animal sex joke, beastie boys hanging over a canyon scene, emo minority identity struggle, an upskirt, bra scene, sex scene with an orion slave girl, (who really is just a 21st century 'sex & the city' sorority skank rather than a.

Futuristic alien), snappy black chick 'Gettin' started' with spock. Check!

Top gun story rip off. dad dies, trying to live up to something, reckless cocky & chip on shoulder to prove something to self & who needs.

To come of age, learn discipline & become a man. even the bike scene is directly top gun.

But instead of an F-16, he's staring at a starship.

The intentionally hand held quality is getting on my nerves in action these days.

The relationship b/w kirk & spock in this movie is totally faux to the canon.

There was no power struggle or competition. There was no invertion of captainship/first officer.

They were simply co-students. And Spock very dutifully subordinated himself to the man in the chair, as any respected starfleet officer would.

Captain pike was great.

Mccoy was good.

Scotty was good.

Chekov was likeable.

Constant emotional outbursts. shut up already!

Creating black holes? cmon! and then going THRU them makes for time travel. right, right.

Couldve been fun & faithful to the original, but ended up self-serious.

(At this point in the movie, jotting down my thoughts, I almost completely lose it).

WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? the uhura spock soap opera made me want to vomit! that was the greatest example of anti-trekness, 21 c attempted relevance I have ever seen. ended up completely destroying any credibility the film attempted to have. it was the death of this even ATTEMPTING to be a serious movie.

I could see the director now "ok...so like, we'll have uhura kiss spock & ask about his feelings. its hot! its hip!".

What a joke. completely RUINED & DESTROYED the film in that one scene. it was exposed as the 21c bland kitsche that it truly was. the real uhura would have a sort of reverance for him. she wouldnt even dare try to touch him accidentally, much less slip him the tongue. (unless of course, under the coersive powers of a Platonian or a Trelane or something).

In a million years, the real spock would NEVER EVER do that willingly. EVER.

There is a vulcan mating ritual. it takes place every 7 years. It's called pon farr.

Spock has no reason to kiss anyone, nor would he ever. ("oh, but the human emotional struggle..." shut up!).

Well known characters & planets lost that didn't need to be, nor should have been if it were truly star trek.

Going for a big emotional hit for the audience. they made this same mistake by killing of spock in pt 2.

Doesn't work. creates a permanent problem for the sake of a temporary reaction.

A self-serving pandering kind of prodding of the emo side of spock that got old within minutes.

Uhura and spock do not have this deep emo connection. spock only has anything even bordering on emotion for one person. Kirk.

However, once one accepts that this is not star trek (or at least an alternate ST), it may be possible to semi-enjoy.

And im sure 23rd century planetary crusaders sarcastically say "....whatever!" Miley Cyrus anyone?

Great to see nimoy.

Apparently romulans are bald.

Whats with every action movie having its main character agonizing in self doubt for two hours?

Youll notice that in the city on the edge of forever, kirk did NOT change history, no matter how painful to himself personally.

PRIME DIRECTIVE is DESTROYED!

Way too coincidental & unbelievable that young spock would send kirk to the very planet & within a mile of the very cave where old spock was.

Chillin.

I do not appreciate this bastardizing alternate universe that all but DESTROYS the true ST universe. now we have a horny uhura.

And no actual vulcan. rad.

I am furious at the idea that many movie goers will think only of THIS as true star trek. teenagers & MTV douchebags who.

Haven't seen the real deal.

Eric bana was alright, but a little underdeveloped story-wise.

Cutesy slogans that spock would never say. "nahhhh, not really!".

Loved the "I'm givin her all she's got captain!" from Scotty at the end.

Lost respect for abrams.

Even if its some alternate universe cheap plot idea to make the story go wherever you want. I reject it. but thats exactly right. it certainly is an alternate trek. alternate & inferior.

The spock ending is cheesy. sums it up right there. Spock, put aside logic. do what FEELS right. BINGO 21st century drama teens. and thats all it's good for!

Have to admit, liked the final scene where the bridge crew takes full form.

Of course the obligatory PC where it's not where no MAN has gone before, but where no ONE has gone before. k, shoot me now.

A total travesty!