Review of St. Elmo's Fire (1985) by Thad L — 29 Jan 2009

1985. Joel Schumacher, before giving batman nipples, dove into the world of the silly, carefree BRATPACK. In this particular story, our group of over-privileged morons get really confused about their feelings for each other, soullessly spout a lot of really contrived dialogue, and the wackiness ensues. Demi maxes out her credit cards, sniffs a bunch of blow and has a minor freakout - open window style. Rob Lowe plays a rock n' rollin' saxaphone player who wants to bang the nerdy girl but here's the catch - he's married to a real bitch! Andrew McCarthy wants Ally Sheedy but Judd Nelson is in the way but wait! They're all friends! Emilio wants Andi McDowell - he was IN LOVE with her when he was a freshman...you know what...never mind...Emilio's plotline is too stupid for words.

Clearly, it took more people than just Schumacher to screw this one up. Lesse the script sucks something aweful...let's blame the writers! Oh wait...it was written by Carl Kurlander, who went on to write for Saved by the Bell: THE NEW CLASS. Who else wrote this drivel letsee...oh wait Joel Schumacher! To be fair, the man went on direct LOST BOYS and FLATLINERS - two cool flicks that were not written by him.

I guess the best thing about this film is the theme song by John Parr. Luckilly, before the two hours are up, we get to hear it three or four times, all diagetically of course.

Let it be known that I would rather eat a turd covered in pickle relish than sit through this movie again.