Review of Southland Tales (2007) by Robben M — 24 Sep 2009

As of 09-25-09, I would just like to re-iterate, I absolutely love this movie. Any film with someone named Baron von Westphalen is okay in my book.

It's....it's so CHAOTIC! In coherence and continuity....but oh, what CHAOS! What ridiculous anarchy that is so all-over-the-map, so scatalogical, and so....dense, that it becomes a very fascinating and, ultimately, enjoyable film.

Being one who had not seen Donnie Darko, the debut film of Richard Kelly, I approached this with no expectations, no information on what it was about; needless to say, it was the fastest two and a half hours in my life. And I admit it, I loved every minute of it.

Call me sick, stupid, or downright masochistic, this was far from being a painful experience. There have been far worse movies than this and those often get more praise than they deserve, but I won't drop names because this is about Southland Tales, right? One of the most "disastrous, cinematic train wrecks" Roeper has ever seen, right? Reviled at cannes.....re-edited only to be subsequently panned....why am I telling you all this? To show you how much Kelly had to work to get this film released. That alone is a superhuman feat; the work and effort to put his faith in this movie, and his sincere attempt at an Epic patchwork collage of pop culture and americana earns my respect.

All that work...for a very few nods and mostly groans and cat-calls, dismissing it, hoping it will die and dissapear into obscurity....

Fools. Haven't they ever heard of Criterion? But I digress. What ABOUT this movie anyway? Why is it a mess of a narrative?

First things first, when the director tells you beforehand that you must read several graphic novels to fill in a giant chunk of backstory, THEN watch the film, you know right off the back you can kiss coherence goodbye. Then all that's left is complete absorption into the film's mad world. And believe me, it's mad. A mad plot with a mad premise with mad characters, mad set-pieces and a mad narrator with too much time on his hands. And he's not a soldier.

Anyway, set in the year 2008, it appears that after some TERRORIST NUCLEAR ATTACKS in Texas (of course), WWIII has begun. Basically the shit hits the fan and the country is in (implied) upheaval....but not in SUNNY CALIFORNIA!! Almost that is. That is not to say that it's not entirely ignorant of the world's problems. There are, after-all, the NEO-MARXISTS. A group of radicals with nothing better to do other than have porn channels and internet broadcasts of a sort of three-minute hate of the government. But let's face it, they're no match for the mighty power of.....wait for it....USIDENT!!!!!! insert fanfare here.

Headed by the govenor's wife (I don't know, I don't remember but it doesn't matter at this point.) and sporting an EVILLLLLLL honeycomb hair-do and a southern drawl to boot, she reigns over the world in her white room, raiding people who she finds 'subversive.' This means killing them.

However, due to an upcoming election (the most dated part of the film; what, you don't think a film can be dated in its own year? Try me...) USIDENT and other power-brokers are keen on retrieving a certain key to the puzzle: Boxer Santeros, played by Dwayne Johnson. You may remember him as THE ROCK but here he's just Dwayne.

He's an action movie star who vanished one day but then seemingly re-appeared in the border of Mexico. But then he was taken by a movie producer and a porn star(Sarah Michelle Gellar). These two clowns pretend to have depth but are generally don't get it. It doesn't matter, there's TWINS!!! Sean William Scott plays the dual parts of twin brothers Officer Taverner and....officer Taverner. But are they twins? Why are they acting so odd? Anyway, one is a fascist pig. The other, a member of the Neo-Marxists. And they kidnap one and replace the other. The pseudo Taverner then visits Boxer, who is now going cuckoo with delusions of an epic crime saga screenplay, called THE POWER. In about two minutes, summarizing his script with delightful mad glee (Johnson is surprisingly wonderful), the movie's following events are foreshadowed. I've lost track of most of the characters....you'll have to excuse me.

So the Neo-Marxists plan on making a fake murder of two people who happen to be celebrities, because they think that this will create enough anger within the people that the city will erupt in violence. But a few nicks in the plan prevent everything from going exactly as planned; did I mention that there's a mad scientist who hopes to control the world with LIQUID KARMA!!????

I didn't? oh dear, because it's also important but then again it's not important. Nothing in this movie really is. It all serves one purpose: to get to that FINAL SCENE which is positively brilliant.

So you can forgive the excesses, the random plot digressions; hey, it manages to convey an epic sweep at least. Because of this, it takes on a unique mis-en-scene: tinsel, flags, pristine neighborhoods and bums, graffiti and culture side by side. It's quite interesting and I wish that this exaggerated vision of Americana was on screen more often.

Did I mention Justin Timberlake was in this movie? No? Oops. he's not integral but his presence in known throughout. Maybe it's because he's the narrator of the film....well, I suppose you ought to know SOMETHING about him. You see, he's an Iraq war veteran and seems to reign over the city in a giant gun. He sees all and therefore he is our guide through this mad funhouse. But you realize that he's mad too...I mean, he cosntantly quotes biblical verse, poetry, lyrics, stream of consciousness dialogue and finally, in a delightful turn, sings a musical number while high on LIQUID KARMA. did you get all that? Good.

Eventually we meet a strange cast of characters, all of whom are either insane, or sane people in an insane world, with copious amounts of acid dropped for little or no purpose other than because everything is strange and wonderful. I think that was Kelly's true purpose. And what's weird is how polished everything is. Despite critics poo-pooing the film's inherent strange tone, they seem to be denying the fact it's a tight and well-made movie, well photographed with rather great set-pieces (check out the long-tracking shot in the MEGA-ZEPPELIN (better than it sounds)).

Other highlights include the aforementioned musical number, porn star Krysta Now (really) running in panic to her car only to be stopped by the locked door...also, it's a convertible; a mysterious cop appears who can only speak in mysterious aphorisms and quotes Philip K. Dick book titles for no reason; Neo-marxists blowing things up; hundreds of adverts ala Verhoven including a surreal car commercial where two SUVs do it doggy style; a "darker and edgier" rendition of the Star Spangled banner sung in Spanish, which is awsome; Boxer Santaros saying the best line in the movie ("I'm a pimp, and pimps....don't commit suicide"), Baron Von Westphalen on the verge of shouting "INCONCEIVABLE", that creepy dwarf woman from Poltergeist giving out mysterious information, also, she holds a ball of light for no reason other than because it looks cool; the mega-zeppelin party; Boxer Santaros saying the second best line in the movie (which won't be spoiled due to levels of awesome); the climactic musical number between the Rock and Sarah Michelle Gellar; Kevin Smith being a crazy war vet with a rather convincing wall of hair for a beard; and a random punk kid with a rag on his head with a bazooka, sitting atop a flying ice-cream truck over hundreds of fireworks and the burning skyline of Los Angeles. Yeah.....

It's easy to see why most people would not like this movie....at all. It seems to be earnest, but then again, it is not. It seems like a comedy, but then again, it is not that funny, but then again, it IS pretty funny. ("Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted.") the Film is full of non-sequitirs in every department. To me, that is why it works most of the time.

It's clear Kelly was going for a sort of Down-the-rabbit-hole sense of Comic book reality. It almost works but what's holding it down? Well...I'm not really sure. It feels like parts are missing. Could it be that this "second" cut is really a truncated version of his epic? Perhaps we actually have a second NOVECENTO on our hands (another five hour epic that was released in a severely short version that critis proclaimed a glorious albeit flawed film)? Only time and Richard Kelly will tell...

It's really sad; it may be his second film, but what a second film! And for a young filmmaker to be so ambitious....perhaps the time was not right. Only someone so young could do something so ambitiously insane. It's like Novecento by Bertolucci or the adaptation of War and Peace into an epic eight hour movie. People could argue that those filmmakers were of infinitely higher caliber. This may be true. But let's face it, Southland Tales is just as ambitious and sincere.

I'm placing my bet on criterion or some other company to suddenly proclaim this a cult classic because that's what it is. Twenty years from now it will be seen as both a time capsule of an era and a sort of noble folly that tried to fly but ultimatly, died and fell very, very....far.

Props to that random Asian woman who randomly shows up once in a while in the film....she really has a presence even if you're not entirely clear what the hell she does. Then again, everybody kind of shows up for no apparent reason.

Oh well.... "The fourth dimension is collasping on itself.....you stupid bitch.".