Review of Patton (1970) by Shaun B — 11 Oct 2009

"I love it. God help me I do love it so.".

I cannot believe I've never seen this film before. An incendiary and provocative masterpiece of the first order.

An epic film that is equal to any of the other classic big-screen epics like Lawrence of Arabia, 2001, Apocalypse Now, etc.

George Scott in one of the most brilliant performances ever put to film, from the first frame in Coppola's script that has him step up in front of the most ridiculously gigantic American flag to give the most ballsy opening monologue in all of film.

A complex portrait of a a polarizing figure. An unapologetic militarist, a profane, brilliant, offensive, hyper-masculine general of the best and worst kind imaginable. This portrait of General Patton is simply amazing, and the 70mm film here is some of the most glorious color film ever shot. Period.

/begin technophile rant:

About that 70mm film, here's where my review of the movie morphs into a Patton-like rant to the pathetic excuses for human beings that pass as mastering engineers that led to this bluray presentation. First frame guys, FIRST FRAME OF THE F**KING FILM has big fat EE ringing on the fucking american flag stripes. What incompetent idiot coward moron has the wherewithal to engage ANY kind of sharpness enhancement on this content. It's goddamn HD people, SOURCED FROM 70MM FILM, sourced I presume from at LEAST a 4K scan. What incompetent fool thought this was necessary? And not only that, I have gotten so accustomed to EE over years of horrid DVD transfers I could have looked past that as some kind of horrible accident where you bumped the fucking button accidentally and didn't notice it, but are you SERIOUS? On top of this, you not only turned on DNR, but actually cranked that to 11 and wiped this film clean? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? It's 70MM! ITS ALREADY CLEAN!!! This isn't scalpel work either on grainy footage, this is hitting what is already brilliant 70mm dimension 150 stock that remains in exceptional condition after not even that many years, but taking a goddamn carpet-bombing river-dredging ocean-trawling AX across this whole goddamn movie and wipes every bit of high frequency detail right off! LOOK AT PATTONS FACE YOU stupid fucks! You made him look like a wax statue or somebody who got a two-for-one deal on makeup and decides to slather that crap all over their face. It's ridiculous. His uniforms have been morphed into what looks like vinyl cartoons, not the spectacularly detailed and textured fabrics that 70mm would have, if left unmolested, captured with the most spectacular transparency. I don't care if you're watching on a 30" legacy CRT BVM, if you can't predict what this is going to look like on a large screen then you are an ignorant and unprofessional fool and you have NO BUSINESS even coming near anything like a film like Patton. Go back to mastering public access TV you crank morons. This isn't VHS. This is HD. Give me the FILM the way the FILM looks. It's not shot on video, it's shot on 70mm and it should look like 70mm, not a sterile piece of shit with all the detail wiped clean off.

/end rant.