Review of Night of the Living Dead (1968) by Vince K — 23 Nov 2010

To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen this all the way through. It was on TV all the time when I was a kid, and black & white to me in the '80s equaled boring. I was always shocked when I couldn't fuck with the contrast to make it in color. I thought, "Night of the Living Dead is being MEAN TO ME!" I was all about RETURN of the Living Dead anyways. That was my first zombie movie. I remember liking zombies before any of my friends or anyone I knew. I had that thought the other day and it makes me feel important. Return of the Living Dead was really scary, and awesome, what with the punks and it's metal soundtrack and everything ("DO YOU WANNA PARTY!? IT'S PAAARTY TIME!") Oh, fuck yeah. My mom rented it for me when I was little because she said it looked funny. I was like "Holy shit, mom! This movie is terrifying!".

But anyways, I'm not reviewing that movie. I just did though and emphasized that it's awesome, so there. Night of the Living Dead, seeing it now, the original, was really quite a treat. It was way ahead of it's time, which was 1967 (it was released in 1968.) And I can see how this film would've scared the fuck out of people. I LOVED the black main character, Ben, who is definitely the best actor in the whole film. It's great how most of the other actors in the film are really bad actors. But hey, at least they're trying. The film is astoundingly great to me. I'm glad they made a ton of zombie movies after that, so you don't hear old people going "I remember back in MY DAY...".

I'm happy with the new zombie craze. Zombies going mainstream is the best thing that ever happened to Hollywood. If every movie in the theatre right now was about zombies I would want to see every single one of them. But it seems 99% of the movies there are just called "Jennifer Anniston Bitches... Without Zombies". I think anyone who says they're sick of zombies is sick of life, fun, and everything good in the world, and henceforth need to take the stick out of their ass. There should be zombie kid shows! Zombie casual day in offices! Zombie this, zombie that, and zombie everything. FUCK VAMPIRES AND FUCK YOU! ZOMBIES ARE NOT A FAD! They're as underground, cult, and true as black metal. And when the popularity goes away, they're ALWAYS going to be there.

So, this is The Godfather of all zombie films. But hey, wait a minute, I hate The Godfather. That movie is a long boring piece of shit in my opinion. ("Look at us, we all wear suits and have fancy cars." Zzzzzzzz.) What do I really like then? Hmmmm.... Oh yeah! Night of the Living Dead is the Return of the Living Dead of all zombie movies!

One thing that surprised me is that Barbara is lame in this. I kind of thought she was a main character after hearing everyone talk about how important she is for the last 250 years. She sits there in shock the whole time and hardly says a word, and apparently you can just calm her down by punching her in the face. Which seemed like an acceptable thing to do to women in the '60s. She gets pulled in by a front porch zombie crowd at the end, never to be seen again. So, I applaud the remakers of the remake for making her more totally awesome. They must've noticed this flaw as well. Patricia Tallman kicked ass in the remake! I also loved noticing the slight differences here in the original vs. the remake. To me it was like they went back in time and remade the remake which was paradoxically the original. That seems awesome.

I've said some things that might be blasphemy to Night of the Living Dead fans, but don't worry, I still love it to death. LOVE IT TO DEATH! It is totally fucking killer. It just doesn't hold a candle to Return of the Living Dead, which is probably the most killer movie ever. Holy fuck is that movie original! "They're coming to get you, Barbra" vs. "Send... more... paramedics". No contest. They need to make Return of the Living Dead vs. Night of the Living Dead, and have the fast, brain hungry zombies attack that farmhouse and we'll see what happens. And what era is this? The '60s? They could have greasers instead of punks. That would be rad.