Review of My Bloody Valentine (2009) by Patrick S — 03 Feb 2010

Well, when this movie first started being made I was almost excited to see this. Patrick Lussier, the director, earned my trust with the surprisingly good Dracula 2000 and I was wondering when he'll make another movie that would go to theaters. So when this started happening I was somewhat excited and this before I had the full-on opposition to 3-D like I do now. So was this movie good as I expected? Well grab your pickaxes as we dive into My Bloody Valentine 3-D.

Many years ago, there was a mining cave-in. Tom Harringer, the boss's son, forgot to bleed the methane lines which resulted in said cave-in. But the people in the cave were dead...except one, Harry Warden. But it turns out he killed everyone to conserve the goddamn air and he then he falls into a coma. A year later, he comes out his coma and kills a lot of people before being shot and buried alive. Now it's ten years later, Tom Harringer has come back for some personal-demon exorcisms but now it seems that Harry Warden is back...with a vengeance.

So...this movie is really boring. Yes, I realize that I do lower my standards for slasher movies since they're pretty much the same. However, I will never ever stand for something that's boring. Even the gore effects, while competent, aren't that exciting. It also doesn't help that this movie isn't bloody enough. For a slasher to compensate for it's many flaws it pretty much needs to bathe in blood and while it's fairly bloody, there needed to be more since this really functions on an Idiot Plot. There's so much wrong with the dialogue and characters actions that just makes me sad without any distractions there to....distract me.

Is there anything good in this movie? Anything at all and there is some bright spots. Tom Atkins, Kerr Smith and Kevin Tighe are all pretty good in this one but they have all been in schlock whether it be Halloween 3, Final Destination 1 or Road House so they at least know how to act in something similar. Sure I watched this in 2-D but it seems that the WOOAHHH WOAAHH WOAAAHHH type of 3-D really fits this movie so I might have liked it better if I saw it in 3-D...probably not that much more. And the ending, while derivative, was somewhat cute.

So this movie sucks. The writing and dialogue is stupid even by my standards. The effects are neat but they're not there often enough to distract me from the weak other things. Some of the acting is good and the rest is serviceable, shockingly. The only real worth this movie has is its 3-D and that nude scene. If you want a good 3-D horror movie, watch Friday the 13th 3.