Review of Magnolia (1999) by Jay B — 28 Nov 2017

I too liked Magnolia because the critics told me to. Actually I didn't. This film figured to how to make potentially interesting, boring. It was a lot of clutter that was very loosely stiched together. This pile of garbage was passed off as being extremely clever under the guise that it was avant-garde. It isn't. This was nothing new. It's only unique quality was in how poorly it was executed. I don't know who funded this, I'm not bothering to look it up. They are idiots and the money would have served a better purpose being burned in a giant pile. That would have been more watchable. They must have spent a ton on advertising and bribing critics to turn any profit. The money spent on the soundtrack was the only real intelligent investment and that would have been much better spent on real writers. I watched this movie again recently, thinking that I had never seen it before, wondering how that could have happened. I rewatched it and slowly remembered why. I had forgotten almost everything. It is just that forgettable. I also must have put some effort into forgetting it so as to not let it poison my brain, because I had watched it a few times before. I honestly can't wait till the next time I forget it. But I wrote this review as a reminder so that I may never be burdened again with it. I hope this review stops you from making the same mistake I did, watching it ever in the first place. Over the top performances by actors are usually something to be seen, but this film showed some of the most terrible performances that any of these people have ever done in their lives. I lost so much respect for everyone who was in it. It wasn't their fault though. They were written and directed, by the same person, to do so. Total trash. This film should have ended everyone's careers, but insead it recieved accolades. It must have been the kind of spin artists who conviced people we won the Vietnam war. Oh, I got it. For those that may accuse me of "not getting it". I just happen to be able to be honest, while being tasetful, and courageous enough to tell the truth about what I had seen. This movie is just an example of how the power of critics can destroy the future of culture. People do not have their own opinions. They are followers. The human behaviour experiments, the salem witch trials, the Third Reich. You critics keep telling people that this is good and we are gonna see more like it. Poison the world. I have a review for any critic that positively reviewed this movie. These critics are human garbage who are playing off of your insecurities and trying to pretend they are more intelligent than you. Be honest with yourself. Was this good storytelling? The characters were empty, pointless, and unrealistic. They were like watching animated scenery, and a poor personification at that. The whole movie, the plot, start to finish, the characters and their choices, all seemed extremely contrived pretentious nonsense. This is the worst kind of elitist arthouse crap. I'm not saying that I have disliked all arthouse style films. I am saying, that if people lived in an actual art house, this would be what they would flush down the toilet.

The one negative about this review process is that I can't rate it lower.