Review of Leviathan (1989) by David M — 28 Sep 2011

If you've seen Alien, you've seen this movie. Seriously. The crew of a deep sea (space) mining mission discover a wrecked foreign ship (alien spacecraft), everyone mysteriously dead. The crew of (exactly) seven includes a grizzled (male) captain, an annoying redneck (who you know will quickly die), a mysterious but obviously brilliant and somehow slightly British doctor (science officer), a very likeable everyman (die), the Token Black Guy (also, obviously, die), and two girls-- one you wouldn't sleep with, and one you would (die, not die).

One of the crew members picks up some nasty bug on the ship. Oh no! But they ignore quarantine procedures and let him roam around-- because hey, he's family. Everybody thinks he will be fine... then obviously he's not, because he gives birth to some icky slime creature and then dies.

Bummer. Lacking any conventional weapons, the crew attempt to locate and kill the creature with makeshift flamethrowers. (Flamethrowers: now standard equipment on mining ships.) But foolishly, they split up and quickly two more crew members become icky breakfast.

But wait, a plan! We'll trick it and force it out of the airlock. I mean sealock. I mean... wait, what movie is this?The worst moment comes when they re-enact the icky-monster-popping-out-of-chest scene.

When they did it in Alien, it was truly awesome. When they spoofed it in Naked Gun, it was very funny. Here it's... embarrassing. Oh, but get this! The miners' evil corporate employers are in on it, and the quirky doctor (science officer) betrays them.

What should we do? Let's scuttle the ship. Good idea! Oh, except the icky monster follows. Quick, use that highly improbable object as a weapon! Hooray, monster destroyed! Remaining subjects, oddly unperturbed by cataclysmic trauma of the last 24 hours, make preparations to sleep together.

(Ripley: a cat; Peter Weller: runner-girl.)Honestly-- skip it. Watch Alien again.