Review of Highlander II: The Quickening (1991) by Douglas A — 02 Dec 2010

This movie is totally the most awesome thing ever! What a mindblowing sequel! It's got EVERYTHING! This was one of my favorite films when I was a kid. This AND the first one. I fantasized every day about being an immortal highlander and chopping people's heads off with swords. I took fencing in college mainly because of this film. I LOVED THAT SHIT! I got good at it too. And there was even a black Vince in my class. It was so fun sparring with him. I loved stabbing him with the sword again and again and again, JAB! JAB! JAB!, going "Give me back my name, dude! That's MY name! Die!" LOL, the good old days.

Now I'd like to criticize the horrible criticism this film got from fans and critics alike. Everyone had a big whiny fit about the Highlanders being from outer space. Hell, if anything it just made it more interesting. All sci-fi and shit! That was GREAT! And then the main story takes place way in the future (2024), and the filmmaker did something really creative by making the sky a swirling red nightmare! Connor MacLeod won the prize at the end of the first one (just like Queen said he would), became mortal, and created this big shield around the earth to save humanity because the ozone layer was about to disappear. That's killer! And then freaky aliens from his home planet come back to kill him, which just ends up making him immortal again. They're flying on razor sharp discs and metal winged hang-gliders! It's the best sword fight ever! I was in awe! Now THAT'S entertainment.

And everyone hated this movie so much because they changed the mythology. So what, big deal? I think you've got to be a pretty boring person to hate swordfights and the future being all totally killer. The atmosphere is great in this, it kind of reminds me of the classic post-apocalypse film Hardware. But anyways, the filmmakers listened to the critics, sadly, and made a third movie that pretends like this one never happened. Which is a TOTAL COP-OUT. Would've been OK if the third movie wasn't a big piece of shit! And don't even get me started on the fourth movie. Here's my review of Endgame - "BAAAAAARF!!!!" The Quickening is probably the most exciting and action packed film in the series. The original is of course a classic, and great, but it isn't as fucking killer as this one. This has gotta be one of my favorite sequels of all time! MAN, I LOVE IT!!

And Sean Connery rules in this! Remember that he was killed in the original in the 1500â(TM)s, so when he comes to the future it's a great fish-out-of-water story. Virgina Madsen starts off great as a kick-ass eco-terrorist, but then quickly falls into the roll of the love interest. Seems like most of the movie she's just there as a pretty, and slutty, sex toy. Which is fine, because all heroes needed a hot love interest back in the day so they didn't look like complete fags. But she just doesnâ(TM)t do much. And Michael Ironside is the best villain ever in this! That actor has always been great at being an asshole. Fun to watch him in ANYTHING!

So, all in all, critics - if you hate well-choreographed swordfights, awesome sci-fi future stuff, dark atmospheres, flying maniac killers, immortality and awesomeness, then, um, I don't know. Stop being such a whiny bitch maybe?