Review of Halloween (2018) by Trentsteel — 30 Oct 2018

Reporting from Studio 35, it’s Date Night at the Movies, with Trent Steel. With date Angel Doyle. The new Halloween is a f$&$ing sh$$$how. Let me just save you the time and effort of reading further.

I really feel badly that I’m devoting these 3 minutes to even recognize it as a thing that exists. It’s the worst piece of film I’ve seen in years; I couldn’t even laugh. It’s edited in the classic style of a bipolar chimpanzee with scissors and glue, and severe ADHD.

What are your thoughts , Angel? “(loud laughter, followed up with a jarring snort, proclaiming to the house with an all inclusive sweep of her arm:)These motherf%%*#^s think this is a great movie!? F$&@ing idiots!” Yes Angel, we are in Clintonville, hipsters like things that suck, for the irony or something.

The terrifying thing about the original Michael Myers: his absence from the screen. The Shape is a phantom, he just exudes his menace, not his visage, silently hides in the shadows, stalking, offering a split second glimpse, or was that just my eyes playing tricks? Smelling out and savoring the palpable unease he creates in his prey, until that day comes, then.

...BAM!!!! There he is !!! Stab Stab Stab kill Stab kill, cock head slowly to watch death settle into a victim’s pupils! Angel, hey! Angel! “Zzzzzzzzzz snort zzzz” The Shape it turns out is now a balding grey haired man with stubble.

And he basically wears a camera on his back like a third person video game; It’s Grand Theft Auto without robbing the hos after you beat them to death. This is the point where I drifted off to a far off theater in my mind, and watched “Die Hard.

” If I were JC I’d take every copy of that film, bury Danny McBride alive with them, set the mountain alight and throw myself on the pyre. Angel, it’s time to go.