Review of Halloween (2018) by Justin K — 22 Oct 2018

Sarah Conner meets Michael Myers minus anything resembling interesting characters...or scary moments.

40 years later, JLC is now a crazy, durvivalist packing her secret underground panic room with enough food and firepower to outlast Cyberdyne and a nuclear holocaust. This is all in anticipation of septuagenerian, shuffling Michael Myers unleashing armageddon on the world, or at least within the small town that she, her estranged daughter and family all still reside.

With that set-up the film has to entirely rely upon the classic horror film promise that despite all the warnings and preperations yo the contrary, no one makes a single rational decision regarding their safety -- including her adult daughter (aka, John Conner) who periodically laments her crazy mother's paranoid parenting style that mostly relied on shotguns, rifles and revolvers.

With the possible exception of the best friend/babysitter/victim #7, the characters are all caricatures. Add far too much cringe-worthy teenage sexual innuendo, improv acting, and you find yourself wishing a bloodsoaked Carrie would appear at the high school gymnasium Halloween party and be done with it.

Instead we trudge through countless unscary scenes following a jilted girlfriend escorted home by her creepy gender unspecific boyfriend's creepier, uncomic relief, best buddy as the trys to comfort/seduce her along the way. So It's a welcome relief when Michael (finally:and rather unceremoniously) wanders into frame, raises his hand and slashes him -- unfortunately not fatally. So we're treated to a few more moments of unfunny improvised oneway dialogue from the creepy friend before we discover Michael eventually mercifully impaled him by the mouth on the neighbor's conveniently gothic iron front gate. In short the best scenes are the aftermath of the unseen murders when we get to see the outstanding make-up departments handywork.

There isn't an untelegraphed scary moment in this latest sub-par installment of a franchise that should be spinning in it's own grave.