Review of Fifty Shades Freed (2018) by Rebecca31 — 20 Feb 2018

Much to my horror and disgust I was dragged to see the final chapter of the popular franchise Fifty Shades of Grey. You know the one. The rich dude and yer one spend three movies living up the rich life etc etc. At long last we can say farewell to the Fifty Shades of Grey saga.

It's the final chapter, they get married and live happily ever after. Only they get married and then Anastasia discovers Christian doesn't want kids right now, but maybe "some day" and also to her surprise she discovers he has a private jet, you know, the kind of stuff any person would be perfectly happy to find out AFTER they get married. If there was a point to this movie I wish someone would tell me because as far as I could see there was no need for this to even exist. A good portion of the film is Christian Grey getting insanely paranoid because his wife doesn't use his last name the second after they get married but it's okay (because he's rich) because he just cares so much. He controls every single aspect of her life but it's okay (because he's rich) because he loves her so much. And he doesn't want her to go out with her friends after work but it's okay (because he's rich) because he doesn't want any harm to come to poor useless, helpless Anastasia. You know all the typical traits of a (psychopath) loving husband. They're starting their new life together, buying a house, getting stalked, going on extravagant holidays, nearly getting kidnapped. You know the usual stuff. As if the story wasn't bad enough each and every line is delivered in a way I was beginning to think this was meant to be a comedy. Hysterically terrible. At one point Christian Grey decides to serenade everyone with a rendition of Maybe I'm Amazed on the piano. But he doesn't just play it, no he sings along too, much to everyone's shock and horror because hard as nails Christian has never sang in front of anyone before and look at this shocking revelation oh my goodness he really must be in love with whats her face cause why else would he break into song and quick someone get me a bucket before I'm violently ill. This is a scene so random and ridiculous the whole cinema found it hilarious. Let me be clear, at no point were we laughing with this film. We were laughing at it.

When I say I loathed this pathetic excuse for a film you know I mean it. If I remember correctly the first one never set the bar very high but this is so much worse. I honestly don't know what the point of Fifty Shades Freed was, they get married and dramatic soap opera stuff happens occasionally, then they go into the play room, then even more dramatic stuff happens. Cringey beyond all reason, enough to drive one mad. There was never a shred of chemistry between Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson so watching the two of them on screen is just painful. Torture, I wanted it to end, unfortunately it has made it's money back and then some but hopefully this is the last we'll hear of Fifty Shades of Grey, a piece of fanfiction that never should have made it into book stores let alone on the big screen. Not recommended.