Review of Fantastic Four (2015) by Diogomendes — 06 Aug 2015

This movie before its release received a huge amount of lukewarm comments from fans, who thought Marvel's oldest team would have fitted much better in the MCU. I was one of the few people who defended this film and I'm going to be the first of those people to say this: "Fantastic Four", a 2015 movie directed by Josh Trank, produced by Gregory Goodman, co-written by Jeremy Slater, is an ungodly boring piece of dogsh*t with p*ss-poor scriptwriting, balls-to-the-wall effects, horrendous dialogue, horrible pacing, bored direction and most likely the worst villain to date since Mr. Freeze in "Batman & Robin". It's an epic disaster on all accounts, one that will bomb at the box office, and much deservedly so. This movie will definitely rank not only as one of the worst movies of 2015 but also one of the worst super-hero movie flicks ever.

The first thing I noticed this in this cinematic failure was absolutely, its questionable pacing. Right out of the gate, this movie started to telling Reed's story as a young boy. He explains to the whole class that he intents to create a machine that will transport anything that breaths into another dimension, without harm. The students laugh (because that's obviously funny, right?) but that won't stop Richard from doing it, so while he does that, he gets the chance to know a guy from his class named Ben Grimm, a warm little kid who gets bullied by its one-dimensional brother. His bro actually says "It's clobberin' time" but it's not stupid as it sounds, impressively. So Richard tries to make his dream come true and he literally causes a blackout in his neighborhood. Ben says to Reed: "Reed you're insane" , "Thanks" and the screen goes dark, appearing only "Years later". Nice scene-changing right there!

The movie sloppily introduces us more characters, and while the cast is apparently talented (seriously Miles Teller? Michael Jordan? Great actors), they look bored as hell, and there's absolutely no chemistry whatsoever between the group members, not even Sue and Johnny have a decent scene together. When someone dies, you don't feel pity. You feel indifferent. You don't give a sh*t when Johnny's father dies. You don't give a sh*t about anyone! But the worst character in this movie is undoubtedly, Victor, the villain. Oh... my... God. Where do I start... holy motherf*cking Jesus. How bad is this villain? On a scale of 0 to 10? -2. This villain is so f*cking bad it makes me wanna puke. From the stupid design of his persona Doctor Doom to the inexplicably, poorly developed motivations as to why he's annihilating Earth. And... oh Christ, is this guy a dick. Usually, filmmakers try to make us sympathize with the characters, especially with the villain. Not what's happening here. Victor is such an assh*le you couldn't care less whether he dies or stays alive. Actually, you would beg for this person to die a woeful death. And he pointed the finger to the government, LoL. And when he gets swallowed in the other dimension and he comes back in the second half of the movie... holy sh*t. He comes back, says a few stupid words, returns to "his world", gets beaten by Fantastic Four...... and that's it. I swear to God I'm not making up sh*t, that's what really happens. And that leads me to another idiotic element.

The action. There's ONLY two action sequences: One that takes 45 seconds, and another that takes 3 minutes (and most of the action is seen in the trailers). Oh my Goodness. So the first half of the movie is boring talking and idiotic character development, and the second half is more boring talking and a little of action, which is not exciting in the least. The special effects could have been worse, but they still look pretty mediocre. Human Torch and the Thing looked weird to me. I don't know, they just looked cartoonish. And that scene where the team is running from the green lava, ok, that was some truly bad CGI. Doctor Doom looked erratic, and the rest is... meh.

The dialogue is clichéd and just plain bad. "What if we say no?" , "Say yes" haha, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh harder! But for real, this movie lacks the heart, thrills and silliness that made the Fantastic Four great in the first place. I'm still surprised this movie made it into the theaters without a warning advice, 'cause this movie is so...... dull. Nothing really happens in this movie. If you've seen the trailer, you know what happens: They become Fantastic Four, they met Doctor Doom and they stop him. THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL. Okay, Sue and Johnn's father died, but no one knew or cared about that guy anyway. SO WHAT THE F*CK WAS THIS?

Final Score to Fantastic Four: 1/10. This movie should be extinguished from humanity. It's a boring super-hero origin tale with no payoff.

Obs: Such a waste of DOOM.