Review of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018) by Joshua S — 18 Dec 2018

You probably forgot most of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, aside from a few details. It was a decent, but overstuffed prequel. It benefitted from its charming 1920's New York setting, a couple of performances, and the promise of an interesting series, even if this initial foray was a bit messy and pointless. But all would be forgiven if J. K. Rowling and David Yates could pull off a better sequel and justify the heinous threat of FOUR MORE installments. Surely, the two people most responsible for making Harry Potter such an international success could turn mediocrity into victory.

So, they fucked up. BIG TIME. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (god that's such a miserable title) is a poorly made slogfest that advances the story very little and does nothing but set up presumably better sequels. I like to call that "Dead Man's Chest Syndrome." Problem is back when POTC was making pointless sequels, audiences were willing to put up with it. Now in 2018 there are simply too many movies, TV shows, and bad Netflix decisions to endure, so they had an easy time letting Crimes underperform. It's been no more than two weeks since I've seen this movie and I can barely remember five scenes. It's that forgettable. David Yates has always been a workman-like director who gets the job done, but with little flourish. But not even that is on display here, as this picture is LAZY. Not to mention bad dialogue. The CGI action looks pretty much the exact same as the Harry Potter movies from a decade ago. (And let me tell you, that look is aging poorly.) Most of the performances are adequate despite this, and there were a few standouts such as Zoe Kravitz, Dan Fogler, and Katherine Waterson. Jude Law's Dumbledore is...okay for the five minutes he's onscreen. Eddie Redmayne looks bored and detached. Grindelwald himself is an interesting and semi-complex villain, but the movie he's trapped in doesn't serve him well. Depp can only do so much with this material, miscast or not. I think we have to admit that the Harry Potter universe only really works when the core characters from the original series are the focus. The world they inhabit isn't as interesting as people used to pretend. Devoted fans have already seen it, but I would advise anyone else from wasting their time or money on it. It's a crime.