Review of Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977) by Tim H — 19 May 2008

Thanks, Patton, for turning me onto this local film.

This another one of thsoe movies like Black Samurai that I rated so high because it is oh-so-enjoyably-terrible. I mean, this movie is just God awful. I guess the best way to review this movie is to let you know what you are seeing at first. What most of the film is are scenes of the bed, people getting on the bed with some object, the object gets foamed around with a yellow bile and then shown in a pool of yellow. The bed then decides to eat the people in the same manner. We watch this scene OVER and OVER again. Throughout time, the bed has done this and we get to watch the killing of all these people by foamy bile digestion. Trust me, that's pretty accurate.

The movie is really kind of typical 70's devil movie. There's this huge elaborate origin legend of a demon bleeding on the bed and how it can only be killed for a few hours every ten years. But then there are the characters, or as I call them "bed fodder." These characters don't get much back story. We just know that there's the frumpy naked girl (IT'S A MOVIE ABOUT A KILLER BED! THERE'S GONNA BE SOME TITS!) These people get eaten.

The best part of the movie is bone hands though. I won't go into any kinds of details. But I think you can figure out "bone hands." Yeah. Exactly what it sounds like.

Really, I don't think it would hurt to get a little drunk before watching this movie. I certainly did and it helped me. The overall benefit of this movie is that it is really short and fairly straightforward. It's camp as hell and sports all kinds of 70's breasts. That's right, I'm superficial, but that's okay sometimes. I also have to stress that you probably shouldn't watch this movie alone. This is an enjoyable discussion piece because it is so bad. Trust me, a good time.