Review of Cool as Ice (1991) by Losang S — 11 Jan 2010

I'm honestly not sure whether to give this no stars or five stars. This is easily one of the funniest (unintentionally, of course) bad movies I've ever seen.

Rob Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, had his big hit in 1990. So the movie takes place in this odd transitional period from 80s style to 90s style. So the clothing alone will have you laughing before anyone starts uttering any of their stupid dialogue. The movie is fully designed around the idea of making Vanilla Ice look cool in any way it can, through the lens of what was considered cool in 1990, which makes the movie infinitely funnier.

What you get to make him look cool is to give him a crotch-rocket motorcycle gang, dayglo pants, a leather jacket with writing all over it, the biggest sunglasses you've ever seen, and shapes shaved into his hair and eyebrows. This is all plays out from one horrible scene to another horrible scene until you become infinitely baffled that a film like this got made by adults.

This was the first legitimate feature film by the director, who immediately went back to directing Playboy videos after this and wouldn't make another legitimate feature until Inspector Gadget of all things.

Michael Gross being a legitimately good actor is really out of place here. Best stick to Family Ties and Tremors sequels, sir.

The real oddball in all of this is Janusz Kaminski, the cinematographer, who would only two short years later become Stephen Spielberg's go-to DOP, winning two Oscars for his work on Spielberg's films, and become the first cinematographer to ever present an Academy Award. I hope this movie haunts him for his whole life. If I ever meet him, the first thing I'll do is have him sign a copy of Cool As Ice.

Let me assure you that this is on IMDB's 100 worst films for many good reasons, but all of those reasons make the film a lot of fun to watch, especially with a group of friends. Enjoy Vanilla Ice in all of his horrible horrible glory.