Review of Pet Shop (1994) by Timothy S — 07 Nov 2011

The Band boys, Charles and Albert, have been making movies for years, most of them decidedly sub-standard. They really found their opportunity to corner the market on bad horror and sci-fi films when they founded Full Moon Features. Not wanting to exclude anyone from their terrible, cheaply made films, they then formed Moonstone Films, a kid's division. One of their first features under this new banner is "Pet Shop", a dreary and embarrassing mixture of several other genre films.

Everything about the film is cheap, from the lousy special effects to the lame humor to the hammy acting. The kids here are all horrible, with the possible exception of lead Leigh Ann Orsi. I don't know is she really comes from Brooklyn or not, but she sure nails the accent and the attitude perfectly. In a film that is completely devoid of any kind of entertainment value, she's a charmer.

The special effects, however, are another story. These "charming" creatures are ridiculous. You could go into any Walmart in the country with twenty bucks and buy a toy that looks more realistic than any of these things. The claymation California raisins move more fluidly than these animatronic stuffed animals. The direction drags like a lead balloon, but what would you expect from Hope Perello? Only Charles Band would have given her another shot after directing "The Howling 6: The Freaks". The only thing the films have in common are how awful they both are.

With "Pet Shop", Band has grossly underestimated his audience. Kids these days are a lot more sophisticated than this ridiculous material. They'll hate it, but for adults, this is a terrible punishment.