Review of Brides of Blood (1968) by Bobby G — 29 May 2012

This is a confusing movie, which in itself makes no sense since just about anything with â??bridesâ?? and â??bloodâ?? in the title will never be confused for something high concept. So we have a doctor who always looks like heâ??s in pain, his wife, who always looks desperate (oh, just you waitâ?¦), and a Peace Corps member who always look lost, on a remote tropical island where the natives sacrifice virgins practically in town square on a nightly basis to appease the jungle monster marshmallow thing.

The richest guy on the island spends time with our visitors, informs them of the frequent radiation testing done on the island in previous years and goes about with his troop of midget servants who are no help when it comes to the â??mysteryâ?? surrounding the island you probably can piece together just by reading this review.

Where it gets confusing, though, is how the radiation is very select about what it affects on the island. Only a few trees have branches that grab people (and only when theyâ??re â??awake,â?? I think), a mutant moth, with a very non-mutant looking string holding it up, draws blood from one person (yes, thatâ??s right â?? moths with fangs), and a cockroach does some transformation so horrible that before you can say â??Kafka,â?? the scene is over and the transformation took place completely off screen (thank you lack of budgetâ?¦ and interest, for that matter).

Visitors fight villagers (and by â??fight,â?? I mean â??hug and fall on each otherâ??), this somewhat cute girl really puts her heart into this movie (bless her, for sheâ??s really thinking this is a big deal), something approaching semi-lycanthropy is handled with the grace of bulldozer and the whole thing fits into that rare film breed where it is so badâ?¦ itâ??s just bad, and not even amusingly entertaining.

There are two redeeming moments here, though: our angry doctor attempts to save the day with a random sword and the whole thing is short enough to avoid long-term brain damage. Oh, and you can also say you got the chance to watch that fine actress, Beverly Hills (yeah, the jokes write themselvesâ?¦), wrestle with a mutant tree for a bit.