Review of Bolero (1984) by Kurt M — 14 Dec 2011

I doubt anyone anywhere has ever accused Bo Derek of being a good, or even a mediocre, actress, but "Bolero" reaches a new low even by her standards. She's cute and has plenty of personality, and she even looks like someone you'd like to know personally, but the girl can't deliver a line of dialogue or convincingly convey an emotion to save her life. It's sad really, because she has an amazing body and just seems so nice.

But the blame for this film being the disaster that is so clearly is does not rest solely on her tan shoulders. You get the distinct feeling that writer/director John Derek plans her every move in front of and behind the camera, and considering that he's also her husband you'd think he would look of for her better than this. But he seems more concerned with getting her naked and filming it, which is fine by me, but he should be able to write better projects for her than this dopey, dreadfully overlong melodrama. It plays more like a soap opera for adults than a serious picture.

The writing is terribly stilted and some of this dialogue is just beyond embarrassing. You'll want to find a rock and hide under it. And in between nude scenes there's an actual story taking up too much of your precious time, even if it does mostly come in Bo circumnavigating the globe trying to lose her virginity.Most of us don't have to work that hard, and it's hard to imagine her having that much of a problem doing that. You sure have to work through a lot of plot to get to the "good stuff" here, and you have to wonder why. "Bolero" is a ridiculous and pretentious film that shows you what can go wrong when you give one man too much control. John Derek, shame on you.