Review of Blood Beach (1980) by Eduardo C — 25 May 2010

Dialog.

John Saxon as Captain Pearson: A puppy was found on the beach this morning; he had his head torn . . . off.

And we have a Susan Watkins from Encino: slumming I presume: in the hospital, her legs mangled and her mind blown half-way to the moon.

Fellas: talk to your friends, talk to your wives, have a few stiff-drinks! Someone Come-Up with what The Hell it is we're dealing with here.

--.

Capt. Pearson: So doc, are you going to give me any scientific information I can use or just a bunch of mumbo jumbo I'd find on the side-panel of a cereal box?

Dr. Dimitrios (Stefan Gierasch) smiles, puts his pipe in his mouth.

Mumbo Jumbo.

John Saxon as Capt. Pearson: (sighs) Okay, get the Hell out of here.

--.

Burt Young as Sergeant Royko: You know Cap, if this was Chicago, we'd already have caught this nut.

Capt. Pearson stares into Royko's eyes: Another remark like that Royko and Chicago is we're you'll end-up being.

--.

WHO THE HECK keeps giving these WONDERFUL FILMS like BLOOD BEACH low ratings? The dialog is soooo funny and engaging!!!!!

(And there are a few in-jokes, one being Sergeant Royko [played by Burt Young] is based on Chicago columnist Mike Royko who was always stirring up trouble for Chicago politicians.

Even Gene Shalit on the TODAY Show enjoyed BLOOD BEACH . . . he showed the ending of the movie in his film-clip.

Burt Young and John Saxon Steal the Show; both guys are soooo real and funny.

BLOOD BEACH "came-out" in summer of 1981 but I saw it as the third feature of JERRY GROSS' TRIPLE HORROR SHOW (on October 31, 1981 with Dad at the Mayfair Theater in Philadelphia, PA).

Later, I'd found out that THE JERRY GROSS ORGANIZATION self-financed BLOOD BEACH, lost all its money and released ZOMBIE, THE BOOGEYMAN, and BLOOD BEACH as a TRIPLE-BILL.

(Jerry Gross 1940-2002 Rest in Peace).

The tag-line: Just as you thought it was safe to go back to the water, you can't get across the beach.

Gene Shalit LOVED BLOOD BEACH and I (aged 10) LOVED and still LOVE BLOOD BEACH to this day.

It seems like it would be rated PG-13 today . . . .

Oh: After the would-be rapist is attacked by the Monster, these kids come running past Sergeant Royko screaming, "We've found it! We found it! We found the guy's wiener!! And throw the guy's balls to Royko who reflexively catches them and looks around dumfounded for a place to wipe his hands off. FUNNY!!!!!

And then when "they're" excavating a "disappearance site," they find a victim's eyeball and SERGENT ROYKO asks "the Guy:" What color eyes did your friend have, or had?

Dude: even George Lucas say a film is good if it makes you either laugh or cry.

BLOOD BEACH is a very funny Monster-Movie . . .

I guess without Burt Young and John Saxon, BLOOD BEACH wouldn't be a hundred percent fresh.

Also, on the MEDIA HOME ENTERTAINMENT VHS tape, the Boom (the microphone is present during an entire scene the hero and the heroine are conversing on the boardwalk.

Maybe only Good Sports (people who don't take things Way Too Seriously) can appreciate films bearing the qualities of BLOOD BEACH, take for instance Gene Shalit . . . I watch Sponge Bob Square Pants with my family and there's a Gene Salad characterization of the real-life Gene Shalit . . .

Maybe That's It: Film Critics are very analytical and take things waaay to seriously causing them to "hate-on" perfectly entertaining films like BLOOD BEACH.