Review of Ben-Hur (1959) by Jason — 21 Apr 2009

One of those 'all time classic' films that comes in at just under four hours. It is quite a task to watch - something you have to plan. So it has a lot to live up to. It is supposed to be a classic, and I had to book a whole afternoon just to watch it. Does it live up to the expectation?

It is four hours long. Of course it doesn't.

It is kinda boring. Not brain-meltingly boring or anything. In fact, I would describe it more as 'meh'. But FOUR HOURS of 'meh' is more than I can bear.

Judah Ben-Hur (an ugly, mumbly Charlton Heston) is best mates with a Roman, Messala (Stephen Boyd). It is all distractingly homoerotic, really. When he refuses to betray his Jewish people to the Romans, his mate gets miffed (how Messala was stupid enough to think Judah would be okay with this plan I do not know - the Romans are pretty useless throughout this story, which is unbelievable). So when Judah's dumb bimbo sister knocks a tile near a Roman, Messala uses this as an excuse to make an example of Judah, and sends him off to be a slave.

Somehow the film skips huge swathes of time, such as four years, and yet somehow is still really long, even though everything that is interesting happens off screen. As a slave (the slave section of the film being the only interesting bit), Judah saves the life of a Roman, and becomes his adopted son, and learns to be really good at chariot racing (off screen again). Then he returns home to save his mother and sister.

There is an infuriating sequence in which Judah is pointlessly led to believe by his boring slave/girlfriend that his mother and sister are dead, which leads him to murder Messala, even though the point of the film is supposed to be about forgiveness. This section was so annoying, I nearly murdered someone. Luckily, you cannot kill a DVD. Sadly, I had to continue watching the film for what felt like another ten years.

The subtitle is 'A Tale Of The Christ' which is a tad misleading. Much like The Life Of Brian, this is a story about someone who was alive at the same time as Jesus, and we see Jesus a couple of times, but it is hardly his tale. Also, it is a bit of a lame climax. We are at the end of the film and Judah goes to see Jesus, only to find Jesus has been sentenced to death. Umm, thing is, right, I know how Jesus's story ends, and it is not very happy. So why do I have to sit there and watch it, AGAIN. It is not like Judah is going to save Jesus, is it? He might not know where this is going, but we all do. And of course, the really interesting bit of Jesus's story, the whole point of his story, in fact, is omitted from this film.

So what this comes down to is: Four hours, but no point.