Review of Alien: Covenant (2017) by Romanontherun — 20 May 2017

So, so disappointed.

1) Characters are bland and expendable. They actually introduce them on youtube! Are we expected to watch it before the movie to care? or we don't expect to care?;.

2) The couples thing could work only if we care and know who is married to whom. Oh, you don't grasp it? well you should have watch youtube prologue;.

3) James Franko character is on f***ing youtube video, but not in the actual movie;.

4) We expected to believe that space colonization mission which is tailored and trained to the specific planet could just change course like this, on the spot? Don't they answer for money, colonist, embryos?;.

5) They not the scientist from Prometheus, but you are really don't need a helmet then landing on the unknown planet for the first time? I mean - poisonous airborne spores are EXACTLY the thing we need to be protected from on unknown planet, right?;.

6) Don't' they scan the planet before landing? And saw abandoned cities? Get the sense that something wrong here?;.

7) Oh, you like the Prometheus despite all the stupid things characters did? Do you want to know what happened with Elizabeth Shaw on Engineers homeworld? Or why engineers were going to the Earth? Well, too bad (*sound of you getting slapped in the face*). But here some cool youtube prologue;.

8) Androids can now grow hairs. Cool. Was he doing it while spending years on Prometheus? How many hours was spent to implement this feature to androids? Was it documented?;.

9) Why making alien eggs (eggs are clearly planted by the Queen in Aliens. How can you make exactly the same egg without the Queen?) but why would you? Black Goo in Airborne Form For Some Reason (TM) is faster, more efficient and more discreet than facehugger and get things done.

10) Oh, you have one crazy android and one good and loyal? Well, you should not ever question who exactly get back to your ship. Because that seriously could go wrong, right? You sorta sure it's the good one, so it's good enough. (That twist was so obvious the moment they cut the fight by the way).

11) Alien lore? Timeline? Logic? Alien biology? Who cares.