Review of After Earth (2013) by Keenan S — 22 Apr 2014

Oh, goody. Now Will Smith can add another career embarrassment for himself. First, it was turning down the lead role in The Matrix to do Wild Wild West, and now, he has to live with the fact that he turned down the lead role in Django Unchained (In which Quentin Tarantino personally wanted him and his agent even told him to sign on) to do this sci-fi monstrosity with M. Night Shyamalan and his son.

After Earth is an insufferable turd that officially (And hilariously) marked the point where studios no longer mentioned Shyamalan as director as he has turned his own name into box office poison with each new film he makes. And, in all honesty, I can't decide which of his films I dislike more: this or The Last Airbender because they are both pretty damn close in quality, and also serve as departures from Shyamalan's style - his own films are no longer feeling like they used to. They have become soulless and After Earth makes this glaringly apparent.

The plot is generic and boring mumbo jumbo, wannabe philosophical horseshit about a man named, get this, Cypher Raige (No, really, that's his fucking name! It's like they borrowed from cartoon shows from the 80's and 90's when naming these damn characters) and his annoying and idiotic son, Kitai.

Cypher is a well-renowned soldier because of his "ghosting" abilities which allowed him to defeat many aliens because he had no fear (And these aliens killed people because of the pheromones they release when they're scared). However, his son is not so gifted and seems to be a disappointment to his father. The family also has to deal with the loss of their daughter, Senshi, who died years earlier to protect Kitai and Cypher wasn't there to save her.

After failing to get promoted to a higher rank as a cadet, the two aren't getting along, so Cypher, at the behest of his wife, decides to bring Kitai along on a mission. However, things go horribly awry when the ship crashes on Earth more than 1000 years after it became dangerous and humans were forced to leave.

With his father injured, Kitai is sent to find the tail end of the ship to locate a distress beacon to get the two of them rescued and off the planet. However, he must contend with all the dangerous animals that seek to kill him along with the rapidly changing environmental elements and also learn about himself, his bravery, and contend with past demons regarding the death of his sister.

What should have been a riveting, thrilling, emotionally-charged, and character-driven odyssey into the dangerous wilderness of a foreign planet instead devolves into one of the dullest, emotionally hollow, and flat out uninteresting sci-fi films to come out in years.

One of many problems with the film is its story, which not only feels childlike, but also feels like the pretentious ramblings of a pseudo-intellectual dumbass teenager. Not only is the story completely unoriginal, but it also doesn't even add any creative touches to the themes it tries to show like bravery, facing demons, facing fear, father-son relationships, and more. Everything is presented in a cut and dry manner and follows a set path in which the viewer knows precisely what is going to happen, negating any sense of urgency, tension, or emotion (Especially as it becomes readily apparent that Kitai will get out of any situation in the knick of time, no matter how supposedly perilous said situation is because he is so super duper awesome).

Not only is there no sense of urgency, but there is no suspense where there should be, no thrills in the action, and certainly no emotion in scenes that are supposed to emotionally-driven as Kitai faces past demons and his confrontations with his father. The whole film has a dull and joyless tone with its script, and it seems to insist on being taken very seriously as a darker, more thought-provoking sci-fi film reminiscent of sci-fi films of the late 60's through the early 80's...but failing miserably to capture the dark and thought-provoking aspects of those films even though it constantly talks and talks with its wannabe philosophical dialogue about conquering fears and human nature (Instead it just drones and becomes tiresome rather quickly). Mostly the plot is comprised of dull action, dull conversations, Kitai whining, and Kitai being a stupid dipshit by ignoring his father's commands.

The dim-witted story is only made worse by some of the most horrendous acting ever put to the screen. Apparently in the future, people have less emotion than a fucking Vulcan from Star Trek and all talk in a whisper-y, mumbled, and bored tone most of the time while almost never displaying any sort of emotion outside of very poorly acted and written scenes of drama. However, I will commend actress Zoe Kravitz who delivers the only good performance in the whole film, which is quite disheartening as she only appears in flashbacks as the dead Senshi or during a dream sequence (Even her character gets annoyed with Kitai's idiocy!) and is pretty much wasted. Everyone else, including the normally good Will Smith, is completely awful.

But, most egregious of all, is how boring the whole film is. No, I am not someone who is expecting a super fast-paced sci-fi film. My personal favorite sci-fi films are the very slow moving ones, including ones most people don't remember (Who's up for some Soylent Green or Silent Running? Or, more importantly, have you even heard of those? How about Star Trek: The Motion Picture from 1979? Yes, I absolutely adore that one even though most people hate it. In fact, it's my personal favorite out of all the Star Trek films). I love the talkative, slow-moving, darker, and philosophical ones and I would have been happy and I would have extensively praised this film had it worked as it intended...but it doesn't at all.

Well, okay, since it doesn't work as slower moving and philosophical one, how about as a fun bit trashy popcorn entertainment? Oh, hell no. Not only doesn't it fail miserably as a smart sci-fi film, but it doesn't even have the courtesy of being salvageable as trashy entertainment because it is so smug and pretentious to the point of draining any and all life out of its action scenes. Even during scenes like a chase from monkeys, a space ship crashing, being pursued by a giant falcon (Or eagle, whatever it is), fights with saber tooth tigers, contending with Earth's dangerous environment, and even a fight with an alien, I was bored numb by what played out on the screen.

With a stupid and horribly written story, horrible acting, terrible action scenes, and a crippling sense of narcissism from both Shyamalan and the Smith family, After Earth is a horrendous sci-fi film that should be avoided by even the most forgiving fans of the genre. If you want to watch a film about humans crash landing on a dangerous new version of Earth, get yourself a copy of the 1968 Planet Of The Apes film, because that film actually succeeds at smart sci-fi, good acting, good use of build up, and thrills when it wants to have them. You'll be much happier if you do that.