Review of 31 (2016) by Luke F — 18 Sep 2016

I really want to like this movie way more than I do so it probably deserves less than I'm giving it. There's just nothing very interesting about it. It's the ultra-generic horror story plot line of a kidnapped group trying to escape. This time it's spun into some sort of murder game, which we never get any depth of. Not a new concept either, but we get almost zero info on the people running the game. And frankly the characters are all so thin nobody really cares if they make it or not. Did anyone actually think Sheri wouldn't be the last one standing? Serious suspense killer there. The killers weren't all that interesting. Damn sure no Otis or Spaulding here! You get the bumbling Nazi dwarf, who somehow doesn't kill the first victim - instead leaving him wounded so he can show up later. What? I thought the point was to kill them, and he was ripe for it....so why was he still alive later? Then we get the typical chainsaw brothers who are super ninjas with those saws, right up until they magically forget what they're doing. Aand of course they have to die by their own saw....that's only been done 900 times already. And on from there...until Doom-Head. He was by far the best performance of the movie and he makes it worth seeing among all of the flaws. But of course there's the standard issue "saved by the bell" at the end of the game. What? The dialogue clearly stated they didn't know what to do if someone survived, and it's their game....so why not just let him finish it? And the actual ending...what? Unfinished endings are ok if there's an obvious sequel coming (and there can't be) or if there's a level of closure but in this case, who knows? It's almost as if Zombie couldn't decide if he wanted Sheri to live or die, so he said "F it, we'll just end the movie before anyone actually knows what happened and let them guess". Not cool.

There was so much potential in the core idea, but the movie was so incredibly thin in development and plot that I think the great idea was totally wasted.