Review of Winter's Tale (2014) by David E — 25 Feb 2014

Since you should never, and hopefully will never, watch the film A Winter's Tale, treat yourself to a laugh and read the synopsis on Wikipedia. I don't even really know where to begin with this: the non-coherent plot, the Irish gangster/demon played by Russell Crowe (who seems to get worse with every new role he plays), the characters that are introduced and then never brought back (I'm looking at you, stable-boy and random angel who owes Russell Crowe a favour), the fact that an apparently 104-year-old woman is supposed to be the Editor in Chief of the New York Times, or maybe killer lines like "After all, don't we all love in order to save something?" or "If you don't make love to me now, nobody ever will" followed by the truly romantic "OK, I'll do that then". I mean, this was excruciatingly bad and, as my viewing buddy pointed out, the playing of a piano reduction of a Brahms symphony was also historically inaccurate. I mean, you honestly, seriously wonder how films like these are made and at what point do the collaborators begin to have the realisation that "Oh shit, this is an awful, awful film". Is it during filming? Editing, maybe? I like to think that some of the glaringly obvious and almost hilariously stereotypical scoring for this film was done AFTER he realised how awful the visuals are... it's the only explanation I can come up with. It was just.... UNIQUE.

I can say this: The horse did an AMAZING job and was very likable with terrific eye acting. I'm not even joking.