Review of Whiteout (2009) by Colson V — 21 Jun 2010

There is nothing more frusterating to a cynical teenaged movie fan, then a really hot actress put in a really cold place. Instead of wearing a sexy tan in a bikini, they are wrapped up in parkas and jackets that eliminate all forms of cleavage showing. I'm already pissed off by this fact and the fact that this movie isn't good to begin with, pisses me off even more.

Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale), the lone U.S. Marshal assigned to Antarctica, is investigating the continent's first murder, which draws her into a shocking mystery. Now, with only three days until winter, Carrie must solve the crime before Antarctica is plunged into darkness and she is stranded with the killer.

Not only is that synopsis more frightening and interesting than the entire film itself, the first half hour or so has virtually nothing to do with the rest of the film. It takes a long time for somebody that actually could be interested in the film, to be interested in the film. It's a slow starter and things don't really pick up (I use that term very loosely) until we finally see the killer for the first time. A chase scene ensues. It's at this point where I thought, "This movie could actually become really good.".

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

The rest of the film is nothing more than a tedious "Whodunit?" that is practically impossible to see because the rest of the film takes place in the grey snow with loud wind. It's practically impossible to watch and I didn't care anymore. I watched the rest of the film on fast-forward. Stupid film.