Review of Watchmen (2009) by Spangle — 02 Jul 2016

Some people are allergic to peanuts. Some to pollen. Allergies are endemic in our society. Zack Snyder is allergic to making movies that are not complete s**t. Gratuitously violent and bombastic, Watchmen is an interesting little neo-noir film that gets bogged down by Snyder's lesser sensibilities.

His desire to go completely over-the-top kills the film with pointless sexuality, excessive violence, and random diversions into the absurd that makes you wonder how much acid Snyder indulged in whilst making the film.

I have never read the comic this is based on, but this one is really odd. Why do they keep going to Mars? Why? Why must he keep showing us this blue guy's penis? The existential questions of life, which we may never get.

If the film were not as violent as it is (the arm cutting scene being the most visceral offender), it would still be bad. Watchmen is simply aggressively dumb. Snyder was criticized for Batman v Superman where critics claimed it looked as though it was put together by some kid smashing his toys together.

Watchmen suffers from the same problem. Instead of purposeful and impactful events, Snyder has the sensibility of a 12 year old boy who includes scenes and effects because they look cool instead of actually having any cinematic value.

If this is truly a faithful adaptation of the comics, Watchmen must be one hell of a painful read.