Review of Valhalla Rising (2009) by Crystal C — 04 Feb 2011

Hmnn... Imagine Spartacus: Blood and Sand without women, CGI, and dialogue. OR slow motion. Also, move the setting from Rome (or thereabouts) to some creepy Germanic mist-hell world. I found this on Netflix and have been brushing up on Norse mythology because I know my bloodline is Norse/Germanic even though our culture is all Greco-Roman-derived, so I decided to try it by only reading a very, very misleading synopsis.

This is a beautiful film with weird music that I both loved and hated. The soundtrack grated in a way that created suspense and atmosphere (think Ravenous or The Firm). Thanks goodness it was instrumental and not anachronistic rock'n'roll. The plot was incomprehensible to me after one viewing. The movie is divided into parts... and I did get a loose Lynch-like understanding of the action. And I loved some of the unexpected things that occurred. However, be prepared for terrible action (as in terrifying), strange hallucinations (maybe? I'm not even sure!), beautiful scenes and occasion humor. But those good bits take a while to unfold. So, patience. Although I'm sure this is terribly inaccurate the directors obviously wanted to keep the talk and interaction of the actors to a hypothetically realistic minimum. One Eye wants to survive. Naturalism at it's core versus the changing traditions of coming Christianity and other cultures (best surprise!).

Fave moments? The same fantastically brutal scene in Spartacus where the show's namesake and Barrow [sp?] use their chain to garrote a man is also in the beginning of this film BUT it is without obvious CGI and much, much. MORE Well, just more. One Eye (who like the perfect western hero is silent - I mean completely silent!) kills with an efficiency a gladiator would envy. And when he is named by the young boy who follows after him like a puppy, I did laugh. Interesting movie is my verdict. Please someone watch it and make me feel less stupid!!!