Review of Underworld: Blood Wars (2016) by Kristofer H — 18 Jan 2017

Proper Perspective: I mean, this is an Underworld movie. If you are going to see this movie you know what you are getting into. If not, well that is your fault now isn't it?

Official Synopsis: Vampire death dealer, Selene fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her.

Plot: Sort of. The actual synopsis could have read: Vampire death dealer, cast away from her clan is caught in the middle of the war between the rising Lycan clan (who also want her daughters blood) and vampire faction that is weak, and in need of her to ward off potential annihilation.

Take: This is one of those movies that relies on the audience to have seen the first four installments in the franchise to get the plot. Every character is referencing prior events and names of characters as flippant as a Marvel movie drops in their Easter Eggs, which makes sense. Coming into this movie without seeing the previous movies makes the plot borderline impossible to follow. Again, makes sense for a fifth movie in a franchise. Who decides to start Harry Potter at The Order of the Phoenix? Who?

Kate Beckinsale (Selene) is as good as she can be in a story this thin. She has limited dialog and a few fight scenes, but the movie tries to envelop about three movies worth of storylines into 91 minutes.

In a 91 minute movie about a war between vampires and werewolves (they are werewolves, come on) the action should be stellar. The action should be the payoff for seeing four other movies and investing into a movie with "War" in the title. The action is not that. I was genuinely bored watching the CGI incoherent action where the stakes were not clear or there. The boss battles were weak. Overall the action did not warrant "War" in the title. "Underworld: Another Battle" might have been a better title. That title would not make it past marketing. I know.

Recommendation: I am not going to shat on Underworld. This is not a franchise I am invested in or have stakes with, so if that is you, go see the presumptive ending to the movie series. If not, pass. This is not a well-made movie. Bad CGI. Borderline make-you-fall-asleep action, and a story that wants to be ambitious, but is just messy. Thank you January for being consistent with movies in theaters that make us all stay home and watch better movies.