Review of Troll 2 (1990) by Austin J — 25 Nov 2012

A few of the things I have learned from Troll 2:

1.) There is nothing sexier than an ear of corn.

2.) The only way to stop people from eating something is by peeing all over the food.

3.) No one will question the general store owner who leaves milk lying around completely non-refrigerated.

4.) Instead of attacking you, goblins will just wait outside your house and stay at you for hours.

5.) People will really feel compelled to relax and have some food if you are standing there clapping enthusiastically in their faces.

6.) Heterosexual teenage guys sleep shirtless in the same bed together.

7.) Somebody who lives in an old house filled with a bunch of archaic stuff is obviously going to own a blender and chainsaw.

8.) It's a good idea to carry around a ton of candles just in case you're going to have an impromptu seance.

9.) Goblins are bound to listen to you after you've given them a really lame-ass lecture.

10.) If you offer someone green food that normally shouldn't be green, they are going to eat it anyway.

11.) An ancient recipe means a cake with welcome? written on it with frosting.

12.) Just when you don't think there's any way that a movie can get any more cliche, there will be a plot twist involving the a magic stone of Stonehenge.