Review of Tomb Raider (2018) by Simon G — 23 Dec 2018

You can put a saddle on a cow...

This is probably one of the worst movies based on game franchise, that I have ever seen. Even Angelina Julie ones were better.

Take character, take a few general story points and then just fill remaining 99% of plot with random stuff, that makes no sense(considering how pathogen spreads, climbing into a tomb of potentially infected servant was just "brilliant" idea or leaping across 5m wide chasms, even games were not that brazen; or Trinity sending transport with just 2 pilots, and no soldiers, conveniently) or actually goes against the lore of the franchise. They even turned Himiko into a frigging martyr(hail feminism). "Amazing" revelation about Ana in the end, was only ruined by the fact that she got near zero coverage in the movie. A double miss, as franchise fans already knew it, so it came as no surprise. While people that never played games, would not understand it, as Trinity got "whole" 2 lines in this movie.

Lara that do not feel like Lara(same goes for pretty much every character, they did not even try). At all. Story, that is extremely loosely connected to plot of game. Progression that feels completely random, with most events happening for no reason. Everything is wrong.

And who to hell would give 10000 pounds for a small jade figurine at pawnshop ?!!?!? Shed be lucky to get 50. What kind of moron thought it was even remotely realistic ?

All while she has access to resources of major company ?!?!?!? To show how independent she is, or some nonsense like that !??! Just stupid.

To hire a random drunkard, who would probably rob her, rape her, kill her(or sell into slavery) and throw body over board.

Mathias, who is related to game character only thru name. As he shares literally no traits with original. So on and so forth.

Its not a good movie. Worse than that, its a exceptionally dumb movie, with no connection to original, aside of few names and general themes. Main feature that they took from game is Lara ability to climb ledges.

Best way to describe this movie relation to game is to compare game to a well prepared dish, that must be eaten in a specific way. It is expertly prepared and expertly served. Now movie has same ingredients but they have been put thru blender instead...by a drunken idiot, hat has zero understanding of fine cuisine. Generic hero on a generic quest, opposed by most generic villain possible. And all that thru rather mediocre presentation. They couldnt even be bothered to CGI Stormguard in.

Utter trash. As much as I loved 2013 reboot of the game, that much I hate this movie.

"Im just not that kind of Croft." At least that part they got right, as she is no Croft at all. 1 star for movie and 1 for outfit.