Review of Tomb Raider (2018) by Jack H — 31 May 2018

How to make a successful franchise movie, according to Hollywood:

1. Franchise - Remember, franchising is everything. Base you film around a successful franchise, regardless the medium, and do exactly that. Don't worry if the story doesn't translate from medium to medium, nostalgia will take care of that.

2. Main Character - Be sure to name the movie franchise after the titular character, that way the audience will know they will survive, and have no emotional impact to the peril they face.

3. Secondary Characters - Don't spend any time with the secondary characters, you don't want the audience to establish any emotional connection to them, so when they get killed off, they won't feel anything.

4. Plot - Remember, don't make it so complicated it requires more than a 2nd Grade education level. Audiences only care about hot chicks in skimpy outfits and flashy special effects. Bonus points if your leading lady's previous big film required a topless/full frontal scene.

5. Special Effects - Don't waste money on special effects. Your movie doesn't need to look better than video games that came out five years ago. Even if your movie is based on a video game that came out five years ago.

6. Third Act - If you run out of ideas by the third act, remember this: zombies. Turn all of your bad guys into zombies to enhance the danger the audience doesn't feel toward the titular character.

7. Cliffhanger - Whatever you do, don't forget the cliffhanger ending to nail down the "franchise". Remember, sequels are all but guaranteed, so be sure to set them up, no matter how irrelevant or shoe-horned in.

If you follow these steps, you'll be on your way to a successful film franchise.