Review of Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995) by Sean F — 10 Jun 2004

This movie gave me a little trouble. I liked it. But the problems it has are just too big to forgive or ignore. Ultimately, I have to withdraw recommendation. First, though, what I liked about it. The interesting thing about this movie is just about all of the characters are already dead from the start.

More specifically, the specter of death hangs over everybody, either literally, figuratively, or symbolically. One character even represents Death itself. First you have your lead character, Jimmy the Saint (Andy Garcia) - a name that could only belong to a dead man anyway.

He owns a business that lets terminally ill people record messages and advice for their loved ones. These recordings often serve to enhance the storyline. So we have dead people actually providing a Greek chorus.

I liked that. Jimmy used to be a gangster, and he has one final service to perform. He puts together a group of four other ex-gangsters for the job. When the job goes horribly wrong, suddenly all five men can consider themselves already dead.

Their executions are carried out by Mr. Shhhhh (I'm not certain of the number of "h"s.) - Death as played by Steve Buscemi. Then there's The Man With the Plan, the offended mobster played by Christopher Walken in what can only be described as another Christopher Walken performance.

A quadriplegic, The Man is literally dead from the neck down, but he also serves another purpose. He obviously represents Satan in this piece. There's even a scene in a red-lighted, steamy sauna in which Jimmy learns it's useless to try to make a deal with the devil, the Prince of Lies.

There are exactly three women in the film, all of whom actually represent life to some degree. A love interest for Jimmy could provide the life he yearns for but can't have. A prostitute gives Jimmy the only life he can leave on this earth when he agrees to impregnate her.

The Man has a beautiful nurse (Jenny McCarthy) who is the one thing that can arouse his lifeless body. So on a metaphoric level, the movie worked for me. But its mistakes are too great. First of all, there's the actual job the five men are to perform.

The Man's instructions to Jimmy are to scare somebody. That's it. Not whack. Not rough up. Simply scare him enough to break his engagement with another woman. This plan in no way requires five men.

Indeed, Jimmy himself and another ex-gangster serve absolutely no purpose as the plan goes awry. What's at stake is simply not enough for the risk. Considering this is the scene that drives the rest of the storyline, it needed to be something big and important.

It's not. Then there's the love story. Jimmy courts a girl who looks barely old enough to vote. Had they chosen an actress of equal maturity, their relationship may have been important enough as well.

It's not. Then there's Jack Warden, who's telling the story. Kind of. I believe he's supposed to represent the god-figure to counter Walken's devil-figure. It doesn't work. The only purpose he winds up serving is defining the screenplay's made up slang.

The director, Gary Fleder, I suppose found it necessary to have yet another Greek chorus symbol in Warden. It's not. It's a shame the flaws are so faulty in this film. What could have been an interesting metaphoric gangster yarn turns into a movie that tries to be more important than it is.

And that just makes it pretentious.