Review of Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995) by Ola G — 21 Jun 2015

Jimmy "The Saint" Tosnia (Andy Garcia) is a dapper ex-gangster living in Denver. Jimmy has left the criminal world, attempting to "go straight" with his "Afterlife Advice" business, where dying people make videotaped messages for their loved ones. However, his business isn't doing well and his former boss, a local crime lord known as "The Man With The Plan" (Christopher Walken), has bought up his debt in order to command a favor from him. The Man With The Plan was left a quadriplegic from an attempt on his life, years ago. With his wife deceased, the only person he cares about now is his son, Bernard (Michael Nicolosi). Bernard had recently suffered a separation from his longtime girlfriend, Meg (Sarah Trigger). The breakup left him so heartbroken, he became socially maladroit; he carries out his frustrations through physical violence, and preys on children with the intent to molest. Meg's current boyfriend, Bruce (Josh Charles), will be arriving in Denver shortly and The Man With The Plan wants Jimmy to convince Bruce to break up with her, so Bernard can have a shot at resuming their relationship. Jimmy recruits several of his friends, all down on their luck ex-gangsters, to help with the scheme. These include Earl "Easy Wind" Denton (Bill Nunn), "Pieces" Olden (Christopher Lloyd), Francis "Big Bear Franchise" Chiser (William Forsythe), and the rage prone "Critical" Bill Dolittle (Treat Williams). The plan is to have Pieces and (against Jimmy's better judgment) Critical Bill, pose as police officers and intercept Bruce. They will then take him to a secluded spot where the gang will beat him, until he agrees to break up with Meg. But things go terribly wrong when Bruce grows suspicious of the two men's identity and openly mocks them. An enraged Critical Bill stabs Bruce in the throat. The commotion wakes up Meg, who had been sleeping in the back of Bruce's van. Meg's appearance startles Pieces, who accidentally shoots her dead. The Man With The Plan is furious at the outcome of their botched mission. He informs Jimmy that out of consideration for their past relationship, he will allow him to live, as long as he leaves Denver for good. His crew, however, have all been sentenced to "buckwheats", which means assassination in a particularly gruesome and painful manner (an example is given in which a person is shot up the anus). The group comes to terms with their own impending deaths as they are stalked by a mild-mannered, yet deadly hitman known as Mr. Shhh (Steve Buscemi). Pieces accepts his fate, to which Mr. Shhh provides a quick death. Easy Wind goes into hiding with a gang lord named Baby Sinister (Glenn Plummer), but is given up after Mr. Shhh infiltrates and kills most of Sinister's entourage. Because Franchise has a family to raise, Jimmy pleads with The Man With The Plan to spare his life. The Man With The Plan agrees to do so, but betrays Jimmy, as Franchise is killed while attempting to flee with his family. The betrayal makes Jimmy vengeful of The Man With The Plan; in turn, Jimmy is also sentenced to buckwheats...

The neo-noir crime film "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead" carries a touch of "The Usual Suspects" and a feeling of Tarantino in terms of plot, dialogue and cartoony characters with strange names. In 1995 I reckon it became a fad to make these sort of neo-noir movies with crime plots gone wrong, sharp dialogue and characters with odd behaviours and odd names as said. The plot is simple but "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead" manages to bring the cool it promises and the ensemble with Andy Garcia, Bill Nunn, Christopher Lloyd, William Forsythe, Treat Williams, Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi convince you full on of their larger than life personas. The lovely Gabrielle Anwar adds female beauty and normality in between the odd characters and the love story between Dagney and Jimmy creates a great balance in the film if you ask me. The scene when he meets Dagney the first time has brilliant dialogue. And she does "glide" when she walks.. Writer Scott Rosenberg created the distinctive slang-based vocabulary used by the characters in the film by mixing Vietnam slang and biker slang, and adding in some of his own original diction. This also adds to the uniqueness of the film. I reckon Andy Garcia does one of his best roles as Jimmy "The Saint" Tosnia and his swagger/facial expressions/movements adds so much to the film. It´s a strange tale that´s funny, emotional, violent, sinister but yet with love and the beauty of the after life as the pillars in the end. It was a treat to re-see "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead" and also to be reminded of the fantastically lovely Gabrielle Anwar.